Finding him

Florence.

I sat alone on the side of his bed. He was in pain as he had been for the last week now, I stared at the boy who once held me, made me feel like someone, helped me conquer the world and every doubt he helped me feel like me, he gave me definition.
He's a part of my soul that I had never known existed, never searched for as I had no ideas it was there. He defines the depths of my live and still continues to every blessed day. I sit I the hospital room and stare at the hands that used to hug me he was a part of me and although didn't want to admit it to myself he was dying.
I sat on the chair I had sat in last night and the night before, fiddling with my fingers, praying to each god I knew for a miracle, speaking phrases into the universe hoping they would magically manifest and he'd be saved so this nightmare could be over, but I could feel my hope dying the light in me fading away gradually and darkness surrounding me.
I could feel myself drowning I was trying to hold on to the one thing he had told me, to hope, but these demons won't let me sleep can feel their eyes piercing their talons drawing deeper, and worst of all I could hear them telling me it was over, he wasn't going to make it, there was no way.
He's been in a coma for the past 3 weeks now and woken up about six times for brief minutes with that smile I yearned so much too see.
In all honesty I feel selfish, constantly thinking about what I'd do without him and how I'd cope I keep forgetting he's fighting for his life and he's not giving in a little part of me wishes he could end this pain and go to a better place, but he's not ready to leave and I'm not ready for him to go.
He knows I can feel his pain he also knew that with all the grief I was feeling I was angry it wasn't his time this wasn't supposed to happen we were doing good. I sit and cry till my heart ached some days, I'd never known I could love so hard till him.