Seen from Within.

Chapter 8: Who Says

It's been a couple months since Amir and I have been doing our thing. I don't really be on his body much since he is busy with basketball. I'm also a college girly now so I won't sweat him. But, being the amazing girlfriend I am, decided it would be best to surprise my future NBA star with lunch, since I assumed he'd be hungry. That was until it look like he already had been fed.

I turned the corner to go and open the gym door when I saw what looked exactly like Amir kicking it to one of the girls in our class. How typical? I mean what did I expect? All I knew was that I couldn't make a scene at all, this is more so about me taking care of my well-being and I would never publicly embarrass myself over a "man"

I decided to walk up to both of them. As I come closer the smile on Amir's face fades, as the girls remains. I looked at them both and said hello and gave Amir his lunch. I didn't see the point on tryna interrupt a conversation because it was pretty clear they were enjoying each others company. Before he could even say my name I was halfway down the hall. It is too bad he didn't know that'd be the last time he'd see me.

As I storm out of the gym, making my way home, seems like I didn't check the weather before I left because it was raining so hard and didn't bring my umbrella. This is just my luck. This feels like deja vu, like this has happened to me before, just can't put my finger on it. I wait inside the building, hoping the rain would stop.
"Jasmine. Jasmine" a familiar voice says from a distance. It was Amir.
I rolled my eyes to the sky. I mumbled to myself "I swear I can't catch a break."
"What do you want Amir?"
"I swear it was not what it looked like..."
"Yeah. I know what I saw, so I'm not about to go back and forth with you. So you can kick it to home girl all you want because I'm done."
"Come on baby girl, i made one mistake please forgive me" he whines
"Nah one mistake turns into 100 apologizes. I'm outta here bye Amir."
At this point I didn't care that it was raining I just had to get far away from Amir, before the tears began to roll. He already saw me cry once, can't let it happen again.
Before I left, he said "it's raining take my umbrella please" as tears began to form
I snatched it rightfully and didn't even say goodbye, I had enough of the games. I know I deserve someone who actually cares about me. I just kept walking and didn't look back and disappeared into the bus. I spent that entire ride just thinking how I could let this happen again, but I came to the quick realization that it was not me, it was him. I'm not the problem so there's not much I can do. As I got closer to my house I began to wonder how I would tell my mom what happened. He was literally just here a few weeks ago. This is why I don't introduce my family to the "men" in my life. It seems like every time it rains, it like I know some bullshit is gonna happen. It is starting to get really old... I don't know what to do.

It had been a few days since I saw Amir. I didn't really cry because it was something I expected. He had left a few voicemails and text messages but it was not something I really wanted to hear. I cried for a few days but I couldn't let my family see because I had been down that road. I didn't see Amir show up for Ms. Rae's class for a few days and I began to wonder if he was okay, but at the same time it's like was he thinking about me? Why am I even thinking about him? I didn't really give him the chance to explain what happened, but i know what I saw. I value my peace entirely too much.

Well I guess I spoke too soon, because one day I decided to get up and go to Amir house. I know you're probably wondering why, but I noticed I still had his chain l and I felt like it was still making me attached to him in a way. So I hope on the NJ Transit and made my way to his house. On the way there he began to question myself "Why am i really going to his house? "What is my end goal here?" It was honestly too late for me to turn back because I had one more stop left...

I did the walk or shame as I walked to his house. Yes, he has a house and it's two stories. His parents are definitely wealthy and they are everything I want in a relationship, I don't know where Amir got his player ways from. I know his parents don't know what type of shit he does outside the house, I know we are adults but he has to do better.