My Depression & Anxiety Story

Bringing awareness

So it started in 2017. I was 14 years old and I just didn't feel like myself really anymore.
I started losing interest in things I loved. I felt numb a lot and sometimes I just cried for no reason. I felt alone. I've been bullied since 2012 and quite frankly it didn't help that I didn't have many friends. It was easy to push me around and take advantage of me, because I wasn't one to fight back.

Same people who use to have my back, were just as big of a bully as those they dealt with for me. I guess people do change but that is life honestly.
That time it wasn't as bad, yet I was also bullied a lot. I never really thought I would've gotten to where I am now. I use to write multiple suicide notes yet I never had the guts to get to that point.

Fast forward 2018 I got diagnosed with Vasovagal Syncope, which causes me to faint when either my blood pressure drops or if I am in a stressful situation. I fainted a lot, it started affecting if I could go to school. I hated my life at that point ,because why did it have to happen to me?
Not only that, but I was harassed in that time also,not going into much details about that. Later that year I got diagnosed with PCOS.
A little explanation of what PCOS is, its polycystic ovarian syndrome. Meaning there may be many cysts on my ovaries and that it would be a struggle to become pregnant( which I honestly understand too well now that I'm older). I thought my life was over.

I started self harming and I use to do it a lot and I still always have the reminder of it all. It just felt right that moment ,but I knew it was wrong. I just couldn't help it.Sometimes I just wish I could turn back time. Sometimes I wish I could just stop the hurt I'm experiencing.

2019 came and went and I just got more depressed. I couldnt talk to anyone and I just didn't know how to handle things anymore. I shut everyone out.

In 2020 I was really deep in my depression and I felt there was no way out of it. I had no energy and no enthusiasm for life anymore. I just felt don't. So I did what I felt was the best option, I overdosed and I woke up in hospital. I did it a month after that also but obviously it was all failed attempts.
I slowly got better and I felt like life was finally becoming nice for me. I was smiling and laughing finally, but things don't always go as planned, as per usual.

In October 2020 I was in a smash and grab which resulted in me having PTSD and anxiety. I'd have random anxiety attacks and I'd literally cry after that cause I was literally scared for my life. That triggered my depression to become worse again.
Since then I thought I'd never been okay yet I would put on a fake smile for people to just not worry about me,but mb I'm going through hell. It constantly felt like I'd cry.

Half of the house burnt down, my stepdad got stabbed, people I thought would be there for me forever left. That's why I have trust issues.

Life ain't easy but I promise it does get better. I'm living my life the way I want it and loving the person who brought me so much happiness. Prayer helps, God does listen. HE just knows when things are supposed to happen and when. We have to go through things to become stronger and learn out of everything.