She's Just That Girl

Intro chapter

Waking up to the warm morning sun and the whooshing sound of palm leaves rustling in the wind is the only thing that has reminded me these past four years that even if i'm in my own personal hell there are still those little moments of bliss that I can cherish. Even if i am still upset about everything, I remind myself that i'm lucky to even be in this world. Sometimes I feel like there is no point in living when I have nothing and no one to live for.

The night of the accident on September 21st I was 13 years old and it was a Friday night so of course I was sleeping over my friend Gracie's house we were having a paranormal activity marathon when i got scared and all of a sudden I wanted my parents so I called them, told them what happened and they told me they would be there in 10 minuets. An hour later they still hadn't come so I walked into Gracie's mums room to tell her when all of a sudden all I saw was her TV on and my heart practically blew to pieces. The caption read 'Child Katie Smith left an orphan', with a picture of me. I can still remember that night so clearly all I was thinking was this is a nightmare, i'm asleep, it's alright I will wake up but I never did. I can still hear that naive 13 year old girls screams and pleas. My life was over the second I walked into that room and looked at the TV, I know that now but the 13 year old me didn't. That night ruined my life, that night my parents and older brother Timmy drowned, the car went off of the bridge. 

After that night all of my family had either disappeared or they didn't want me because none of them where answering their phones. Social services called all of my family members that they could track down but none answered so they just sent me to the first orphanage that had an availability. I was alone, for the first time in my life I had nothing at all, no one at all. I thought that at least one of the other kids would be in a remotely similar situation. Turns out i was wrong,I couldn't have been more wrong, none of them knew their parents so in a messed up way they were jealous of me. All I could think was how could someone be jealous of me, sure I had a family that would have done anything for me, that loved me unconditionally. But none of that mattered, because they were dead I had a family and now I don't . So tell me what would you rather, a family that's is there one day and gone the next or would you rather skip the pain and loss and not have known them at all. I know which one I would pick in a heartbeat if I could. that's the problem with us human beings we live in the past constantly wishing we could change things. If only I hadn't watched paranormal activity, if only I didn't stay a Gracie's house that night, if only i didn't call them. But I did so in a messed up way when the kids in the orphanage bullied me, I told myself I deserved it, I needed to pay for what I did.

After 2 months of being in that place I couldn't take it anymore, it was like the hatred that I felt towards myself built everyday. The more I was bullied the more I hated myself, the more I hated myself the more I felt like the bullying was less than I deserved. Four words I kept repeating over and over to myself as I ripped the rusted old nail out of the floor boards, I deserve to die. When no one was looking I ran into the bathroom and locked it. I felt my warm salty tears roll down my face and soak my shirt. I bit back my tears, and began to slowly slide the cold, sharp nail across my wrist. Taking the time to realize that I would finally be free of the hate, the pain and the loss. It was surprisingly nice, feeling myself slip away into the unknown....