only

+ how +

     i have no idea how. i wasn't part of it, how i to fucking know? i... i just don't know. how was i to fix it?

    her honey-brown hair lost its curl. her pink nail polish began to chip. her friends stopped calling good bye to her when she left the bus. her jeans turned to sweats, her laughter turned to dread.

    it was so obvious, right under everyone's noses. though i prayed day and night for her to be saved, nothing came.

     oh, ive done something so terrible, i've kept my lips sealed and a million screams of sorry won't change a thing.

    i saw her leaving the house and i hurriedly asked her if she was okay. she looked up at me. her eyes: a window to the soul that took courage to find. she promised she was fine.

    she was fine like a line that been spoken one too many times. oh, i do wish i could be like everyone else. not noticing anything, only noticing the fine.

      i trudged back to the flower-pot porch but the daisies didn't shine. i was so upset, the letters of 'i know you're not okay' somehow trapped in my throat. with my secrets, nothing would shine. not even the lies, not even the 'fine.'