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11. For Every Day

Mars stared at the closed door, shocked and heart pounding. Was that really Lu? Maybe it wasn't him, and I approached a stranger? No, that was definitely him. But why did he shut the door on me? Is he still angry?

"Lu..."

His voice escaped his lips, not loud but not inaudible either. It was only meant to pass but a few inches of metal, only for one person's ears.

Mars felt the silence that followed like a stone lodged in his throat. The cold surrounding him like a sea was nonexistent to his heightened senses, only focused on hearing beyond the door.

He hasn't walked away yet, has he? He's still there, right? He wondered restlessly, even as outside, his body remained still. For once, he felt a surge of nervousness, excitement, and even anticipation. For once, everything he knew and wanted was right in front of him, and nothing else mattered.

Every bated breath rose from his exasperated mouth in puffs of white that billowed and dispersed into the chill air. His heart was the gallop of a horse, hooves on compact dirt, a march of erratic, patternless thumping that rocked his body.

Even though he was out of breath and tense from the low temperature in his thin coat, his emotions, finally ripped from their coma of two weeks, were alive and buzzing in his hive of a mind. And all this newfound, reawakened passion was directed behind the door in front of him, towards someone he couldn't even see anymore.

Regardless of sight, inside, the emotion was so strong it drove him to the door's face. Hand against its surface, he called for a third time, this time louder but with a softer underlying tone,

"Lu."

From the other side of the wall, Mars could hear a rustling of what he assumed to be plastic. A sigh escaped his mouth as he thought, good. He seemed to still be there.

Yet, that short-lived relief quickly turned to anxiety because even if Luze was there, there was no reason to think he'd stay after already closing the door on him, much less wait long enough for Mars to find the right words.

His heartbeat quickened, and suddenly Mars felt unsure. Was he doing the right thing by pursuing Luze this far? Was he only making things worse by being here clearly against the other's wishes? But, but...

He couldn't suppress his own desires.

He wanted to see him, to see Luze.

While Mars was deliberating, Luze, on the other side, was beginning to wonder at the long silence that followed Mars's last call. Perhaps unfittingly, Luze felt guilt weighing on his heart. He hadn't intentionally shut the door on Mars. His hand had really just slipped. But somehow, it had ended up like this.

In any case, it wasn't like he could just swing open the door with an apology, and Luze found that he, himself, did not want to.

Honestly, it was beyond any imagination of his that Mars might actually come to find him here. After all, it was always him chasing after the other man, and besides that, Mars had been so mad when he left that day...

But, for some reason, deep inside Luze's chest, he felt a little flame flicker, and heat began to emanate from that tiny little spark. It made him sort of happy that Mars had come to see him. To hear that voice he loved so much, calling his name no less, made all the agony of these weeks fade like color washed clean from cloth.

How easily he melts away this frigid feeling, Luze thought, holding his chest with one hand as he leaned back against the door, his other hand still occupied by the convenience store bag. How meaningless all my resolve becomes when he is in front of me like this...All this suffering these weeks, and with a word, he can soothe the ache as if it never existed.