Lockwood and Co. X Gender Neutral Reader

Lucy Carlyle- In The Past (ANGST/FLUFF)

Lucy POV

"Jesus fuck-" I jolt awake, slightly sweaty but shivering from the cold. I calm down my breathing after I roll over and see (y/n) sleeping soundly in some ridiculous position across the room.

Just another dream. They're fine. It was only another dream...

But was it? You can't see their eyes.

"... Damn it..." I get up and walk over to (y/n)'s bed and sit down on the floor by the edge. Our faces are close. Obviously, their eyes are closed, and there's no reason to be anxious. When someone is ghost locked their eyes usually stay open so if anything, it should almost be comforting. It isn't. I don't want to wake them but I know I won't be able to go back to sleep without seeing their (e/c) eyes. I just want to make sure they aren't glassed over with a pale, milky film. Although, there's no reason for me to believe that they are.

Stupid nightmares.

Stupid Jacobs.

Stupid me.

I haven't been the same since that night I lost my entire section.

Since I lost Norrie.

We were young, but I think we were in love, or at least some form of it.

Hiding from my mother, sneaking kisses when nobody was looking, sleeping in the same bed, spending nights at her house...

I don't really know.

All I know is that when I lost her, when she got ghostlocked, I lost a part of me.

It took me a long time to let her go and she'll always hold a place in my heart, but I don't send her recordings anymore and I have one day a year set aside to visit her, usually on her birthday. I think that's helped me heal.

But now that I'm in a new relationship I'm petrified I'm going to lose them too, the same way I lost her. It's unreasonable most of the time, but it's a very real possibility. (Y/n) understands this and when I seem uneasy, they make it a point to show me their eyes. They blink and make funny faces. Their eyes might be one of my favorite things about them.

I sit there for a few minutes and then sigh and go down to the kitchen to make some tea, totally giving up on sleep. I take my tea to the library, almost reaching for my rapier (which isn't even on me at the moment) when I see Lockwood sitting in the chair.

"My god you startled me! What are you doing up at this hour?" I sit in the chair opposite of him.

"I could say the same thing, I believe it's more unusual for you to be up this late than me. Is something the matter?"

"No, not really."

He hums. "They're okay."

"What?" I snap my head towards him.

"(Y/n). They're fine. Nothing happened to them."

"How did you-"

"The look in your eyes. You only get that look when you're anxious. Specifically when you're anxious about (y/n)."

"How..."

"It's the same look you had when we heard them scream in the Manor case and when we couldn't find them at the Hotel case or when they got knocked out during a fight in the Brennick case or when you woke up in the hospital after you didn't know what happened during the Allgams case and they weren't in the room or-"

"Okay! I get it." I stop him. "You noticed that?"

"We've all noticed it, we occasionally make jests at its expense. We call it Lucy's Anxious Puppy look."