Journal N.H

Part one

(Flash back)

I was in the hospital about to give birth my boyfriend was there too he had a camera I heard a cry for a moment until it stopped The doctors came over with a no breathing baby I started crying they told me I could only hold her for a few minutes until they take her and put her somewhere I held my baby that wasn't alive I just cried my boyfriend looked mad but took a picture anyway

I said d-do y-you w-want t-to h-hold h-her Derek said no keep that kid away from me! I jumped I just looked down at my baby that was an Angel now in the sky's I said I love you baby the doctor came back over and said it's time I looked at the doctor and nodded I just cried as I watched the doctor take my baby away Derek was sat down he said I cheated on you I turned to him I said you did not Derek looked at me and said I did

With Amelia I said our baby just died right in front of us and this how you tell me my baby! Is gone and I'm in tears and you don't give a crap about her they just took her away to get ashes done Derek got up and said I never cared about having her I just used you to get what I wanted he walked out I looked over and saw the polaroid camera and the picture on the desk beside me I hesitated and picked it up

I saw the picture of me crying and holding my baby I don't know what happened why did she stopped breathing the nurse came in I said how did she die she was just crying than she stopped I looked up and saw the nurse there she sighed and said I don't know how to tell you this but uhm the boy that were with killed your baby you must've ate something and it probably didn't go into her system until now I widened my eyes and just cried

The nurse walked over and said do you want to get her cremated? I just nodded and the girl said what was going to be her name? I said Aaliyah it was going to be Aaliyah the nurse said that's a pretty name i'm so sorry for your lost I uhm had a miscarriage and the baby died I said what was going to be the baby's name? The nurse said it was going to be Faith but she died in my stomach

I said I'm sorry for your lost to the nurse smiled and said it's really no problem but when I had the miscarriage I used to write in a journal and say stuff or write songs I still do it today I said I write songs too but I never recorded it it's just hard I was still crying the nurse said i'm Alice I looked at her and said I'm Cleo Alice said here I will give you my number just call me anytime I said thank you Alice walked out

I just looked at the picture I put the paper in my bag that was next to me after that day I started writing until I lost my Journal

(End of flashback)

I was so depressed after those years im technically mute now I don't talk to any of my friends family I sorta cut but not like I used to I've always tried to change my number so my ex boyfriend didn't keep texting me but he always found it I've been still looking for my journal but I can't find it anymore so I just left it I have a picture of it when I first bought it and has my name in it on the front page

I was walking to work I live in LA now I left Canada and moved to LA California where basically big celebrities are I worked at a music store downtown I had to walk there because I didn't have a car I was saving up for a car and some other things I got to the music shop my boss instantly yelled at me and said go restock the shelves now! He shoved a box full of new music that just came in I hanged my bag up and walked around the store

I picked some stuff up I started putting things where there supposed to be I saw some Harry Styles music which I sorta loved abd some Niall and Louis but nothing from Liam or Zayn I put some of their stuff out on display I moved to another section and just kept restocking things some people came in the store I quickly ran to the cash register because my boss doesn't wanna do any work around here

I'm the only one to do all of the things here I would cover my old scars with my sweaters or bracelets but I'm wearing bracelets today I'm technically 29 I'll be 30 next year the people walked up to me I faked smiled but I made sure it was real I said how are you guys today? The people said good they bought what got and left My boss came out and took the money out of my hand I jumped

My boss said your staying here all day and tomorrow I turned to him and said I can't do that I never signed the thing for me to do 24 hours! My boss said too bad I have Maddie on vacation so your staying here for a week I said no! I'm not doing that! My Boss slapped me I heard the bell to the door open a guy said Hey! He had an Irish accent