Someone to listen?

95% done with it all.

Today everything is futile. Life just seems like this cycle you can't break.

Each day is spent going through the motions till you slowly drive yourself insane. Simple things like couples holding hands and the person beside you laughing drive you up the wall. The happy, carefree nature of others does nothing but irritate your exposed nerves. Your shoulder blades stiffed with each new sound and you long for the solace of isolation. That deafening quiet where the only noise is your breath and the blaring music that blocks your thoughts. Being alone is the one thing you crave on days like this.

But your parents choose today to take an interest and your sibling doesn't seem to understand you are in no mood to talk. So you are engulfed in the noise. Swimming in a vortex of words and mindless chatter. Each syllable feeling more and more like an itch you just catch scratch. It burns and stings and all you want is to be able to relieve it. Someone please make it stop. You sit and listen as the same lecture you've heard 40 times is rebouding in your brain hitting alarms and bells but not the ones they want. They want the buzzers that make you motivated to go off the ones that send you into a panic. But instead the ones that they hit make you shut down. You stop wanting to get out of bed and lie in your room alone on the weekends praying that you won't have to exist hoping against hope that it will all just go away. You know full well ignoring problems doesn't solve them but you'll try anyways.

Its not that people don't care. At some point you sit back and realize oh no its you. You drown yourself. You are the reason your whole world never feels good enough. that you never feel good enough. Why as people do we continually feel the need to punish ourselves?