I don't want to want you

Chapter 4 . Opps..

"Wow... Ciel. You look great."

Lizzy's eyes went wide by the sight of her boyfriend in his selected outfit. He looked himself over in the mirror, patting away imagined dust from his dark gray jeans. A black v-neck t-shirt covered his torso and he completed the look with an unbuttoned navy blue blazer. On his feet he wore a pair of black leather boots with a low heel.

"You don't look so bad yourself," he pointed out and turned around to face his girlfriend. A small smile formed on his lips and he walked over to put his hands on her slender waist. He pecked her forehead and his hands found their way into her blonde locks. Her soft hair felt nice against his fingers. He let out a sigh and pressed her fragile head against his firm chest.

Yesterday evening she had told him that she loved him.

Love. Ciel had no idea what that word even meant.

They had been cuddling on Lizzy's bed when she had confessed her true feelings. At first he had remained silent, but when Lizzy had crawled up to rest her head on his chest he had felt compelled to give her something, anything. The only problem was that he didn't know what to tell her. After way to long he had opened his mouth only to close it again. Talking about feelings weren't exactly Ciel's strong suit.

"Thank you," he had finally whispered into the silky curls on her head.

He was sure those were the wrong words, but he just couldn't bring himself to say the ones he knew she so desperately wanted to hear. He wasn't sure why, because he knew that he cared a lot about her, but it might be the fact that he thought that love was such a strong word, a word you shouldn't throw around. Or maybe he simply didn't love her.

Whatever the reason, the whole incident had made him uneasy and he wasn't the only one. It was obvious that Lizzy was disappointed, even if she went to great lengths to hide it. He had known her for many years and by now he could sense even the slightest change in her behavior. He felt like a bad guy, even though he knew it wouldn't have been fair to her if he had said the words without really meaning them.

He knew he had to figure it all out somehow. He considered talking to Sebastian about it, although Ciel had never really seen him with any girl. Not in a loving way, anyway. The most he had seen him do with a girl had been the occasional one-night-stand. His ability to seduce women was indeed one of his wilder traits.

His best friend Baldroy even claimed that Sebastian had seduced a nun at one point but he would never comment on it when anybody asked him. He would simply state that as a gentleman, he would never kiss and tell.

Nobody really believed that story but Baldroy made sure that it always found its way into conversations in some way or another. True or not, it was still pretty funny.

Ciel released his hold on Lizzy and took a step back. She looked up and met his gaze and gave him a smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. Ciel sighed and placed her chin between his thumb and index finger. He bent down and pressed his lips against hers and he did his best to make the kiss as passionate as he could. He knew he had to show her that he cared about her, even if he wasn't ready to utter those three little words.

They were interrupted by a radiating Finny and a cheerful Mey-Rin. They had been so excited when Ciel had agreed to go to the party. Why they acted like complete kooks about going to a party he would never understand, but he did enjoy seeing them in this mood. It made him forget that he would have to be in close proximity to Alois in a matter of minutes.

It weren't long before they stood outside the big house. Apparently it belonged to Alois' father and the fact that it only was a ten minute walk from campus made him wonder why Alois chose to live in a dorm. The house seemed big enough to accommodate a whole marching band and next to that, a dorm seemed like a real shithole. He didn't have time to ponder though; his friends had no intension of waiting. They walked up to the door and Finny rang the doorbell. While they waited for someone to answer they heard music and a lot of voices coming from inside; although it was still quite early in the evening the party seemed to be going in full speed.