Rose-tinted glasses

1

It is a pretty tense day today. I am feeling at my lowest. I found out I was pregnant two weeks back. I was feeling ecstatic. I was going to be a mother! Though that happiness was pretty short-lived. Two days back, my boyfriend, Cenk, came back from a month-long business trip and I wanted to keep the baby a surprise till he came back. I prepared his favorite dishes. Candlelight dinner seemed romantic to me at that moment. I wanted to cherish his expression when he'd find out that he's going to be a dad. Just that, it didn't turn out to be what I expected. He was shocked, which I was expecting, but angry too. Why would he be angry about it? We had already been together for 4 years now. He didn't finish his meal and left the table without saying anything and went out of the house. I was left, weeping for my baby. How unlucky can I be to not even be able to rejoice about my baby? I was still hoping that it's nothing to worry about since he didn't definitely respond. I kept reassuring myself saying 'Maybe it was just too surprising and he'll come around pretty soon'. Though my mind believed otherwise. Until yesterday, when he came back home reeking of alcohol. He pulled me by my arm harshly. To say that I was scared would be an understatement. His bloodshot eye looked like he could even kill me if I made the slightest mistake. He screamed at me, "How can you get pregnant you fuckin slut?" Ouch! Imagine your boyfriend using a word as derogatory as that for you when you're pregnant with his baby. I got all teary. I couldn't even reply to him. I was quivering, felt like I would fall down any minute now. He pushed me to the ground. "I'll give you time till tomorrow. Pack your stuff and go back to where you came from. I don't want you or that disgusting baby around me". He turned and went off, again, leaving me with my miserable self. I kept thinking to myself 'Where did I go wrong? What did I ever do to deserve this? What did my innocent unborn baby ever do to face this?" Nevertheless, I didn't want to stay with him anymore either. Someone who can be disrespectful to an unborn baby didn't deserve anything, let alone my tears. Did I say boyfriend Cenk? Uh-huh sorry, it's ex-boyfriend Cenk. I packed my bags and returned to my home. But the situation here is even worse off.

My mom is really disappointed with me. I thought I won't cry about Cenk acting like the douchebag that he was, but I can't help it when I have my baby in line. I am worried about what would happen to my baby. Will I be able to be a good mother? What if he asks for his dad? But above all these, what would the society say when they find out that I am pregnant without the dad around? To be honest, I wasn't even the least bit concerned about the society, but my mom and dad's reputation will be affected because of this. These high-class people have one job, and that's to gossip and look down on others.

We are in the living room. Mom is as frustrated as ever. My dad is trying to be supportive, even though he knew how big of a problem he was in. I kept silently weeping at my misery. Mom lost it and screamed at me, "Just what have you done? You bring disgrace to us. God knows how much I wanted you to not get involved with that freak but you never listen to me. Do you?" Mom's anger is justifiable. At this point, I am even mad at myself. How could I be so blind? Though dad came to my rescue. "Ah! Cemre! Give the child a break. She's already upset. Come here my girl. Don't worry, we will find a way out." Even though his words were soothing, but bandages don't fix broken glasses, do they? I am like that broken glass now. On the verge of giving up, but my baby is keeping me going. The baby deserves all the happiness in the world. I can't steal that away from an unborn child just because of my selfish intentions. Why did everything turn out the way it is now? I hugged my dad and said, "Papa, why did I choose the wrong person? Why did I fall for the wrong guy? How will my baby live without a father?" Dad hugged me tighter and shushed me saying "We will find a way, my kid. We will find a way" I so wanted to believe his words, but I had no hope. How will we find a way? I messed up pretty bad. Mom became even more furious. "Oh, oh! A way you say?Please tell me how? No one will take a wife who is pregnant with someone else's baby. Oh my god! What should I do? Soon people will start noticing her belly. What should I do?" Her outburst was only making me even more anxious. Dad tried to calm her down. "Cemre! Cemre! Sit down, will you? You're giving me anxiety." Haha, seems like I am not the only one then. Mom still couldn't calm down. She kept on going, "Ah! Darling, I just got an idea. Let's make an account in a matrimony app for San. She will go on dates. Sure we'll find someone who will accept her with the baby" The idea about me going out with random people sounded awful, especially after the betrayal I faced recently. But dad's face lit up. "Wow! My beautiful wife, such an excellent brain you got. Let's do this. Mission: Find San a husband." Guess luck has totally given up on me now. I screamed, "Dad, have you gone crazy? I am heartbroken. How do you expect me to do on dates?" My mum instantly replied, "Shush San! You've done enough! Now you'll only do what I say. Understood?" I stayed silent, but mom's eyes showed that she wanted an answer. I can't disappoint my parents anymore, I don't have many options, so I guess I will do whatever they want me to do. I hesitantly replied with a yes.