The Alpha's Fight

Chapter 27 - Reckless Mistakes Need To Be Reprimanded

I wanted to forget him and remember his every detail simultaneously. The thought of never seeing Taylor's glittering sultry eyes or his sweet smile in my mind burned a hole in my chest. But the memory of his frightened face, how he shuddered with fear because of me... it clawed at my soul in a way not even death could erase from me.

All I could hear of my wolf was a distant whimpering. He was lost in his grief, unresponsive to anything around him and locked inside a prison he had made for himself. Hawk would never forgive me for this and I didn't blame him. I couldn't hate myself more if I tried.

Weak... that is what I had called the love of my life. He was the furthest from weak a wolf could be. Had he been in my place, he would never have thrown his mate away and justified it for their own good.

I kept telling myself I was putting the pack ahead of my wants. By staying and fighting, I could ensure what I had endured never happened to another. But the selfish part of me wanted to fuck it all, and run, leaving the pack to burn so I could have a life in the outside world with my mate.

I was unsure how long I had lied curled up in the destruction I had created. My knuckles throbbed, still smeared with blood, but the skin had healed over. If I concentrated enough, I could almost feel the sparks of Taylor's touch, his last touch, one I would never feel ever again...

Taking a deep breath, I attempted to stand. Night had descended, coating the forest in pitch black. I hadn't slept, but neither had I any awareness of the passage of time. No one had mind-linked me or come searching, at least, I didn't think they had. I was so out of it, they may have mind-linked and I had ignored them completely. Scott was the only one of my friends who knew what I had done and I had already told him to leave me for the rest of the day. I couldn't face being around another person, having them see me so broken or look at me with pitying eyes or speak to me in a pitying tone.

I tried to shift, willing my limbs to take on their wolf form. At first, they wouldn't obey, but eventually gave in, twisting slowly and painfully into shape. The numb reality seeped in feeling like some sort of strange dream, as though I was witnessing it through the eyes of another. I knew it had happened, but I also expected to wake up in a cold sweat to find Taylor stroking my beard, holding me as always through my nightmares.

He wasn't though... and he never would again.

I wasn't sure where I was meant to go. The idea of going to my mate's home would be too much of a torture and anywhere else held a reminder of him. What I needed was something to numb this pain, anything to forget this had ever happened or that Taylor had existed.

Staggering in through the doors of the Alpha wing, the place was eerily quiet and still. I was half expecting to find my father waiting to pass some form of judgement over me, to call me vile names and have me thrown into the cells, just as all the other wolves like me were. But all I was greeted with was silence.

My legs stumbled forward, leading me to the largely disused living room, right where the drinks cabinet sat. I snatched at the closest bottle. It was open but, for the most part, full, and I downed the entire contents. My mouth and throat burned on contact, its heated wave flushing through me from the stomach upwards. The dizzying haze bled into my vision slowly... too slowly.

...And Taylor's scared eyes continued to haunt my vision behind my drooping eyelids...

...I needed more to forget.

I grabbed two more bottles of the same deep brown liquid, whisky. It would do to banish my plaguing thoughts.

'Hunter?' Scott's voice floated into my mind, more distorted than usual. 'Hunter, I know you didn't want to talk, but I need to know that you're ok?'