Epi's Boy

The sky was purple when the flash of lightening clapped in the clouds above, and then it was black again. It felt as if the ocean were falling from the sky, the rain was so dense it was like tidal waves smacking the windshield. One could find it difficult enough to drive in the best of weather with his glasses, but all the man could see was the condensation building above the glass, like an aquarium before him, made John Lennon a menace on wheels. The man’s only relief was that his destination was very close by. When arriving he parked on the street, relieved to be at the home where he was to spend an evening with a friend.
The Beatle arrived at the door and was greeted by a doorman, who relieved him of his wet garments, including his shoes. John’s relationship with his host was quite casual. The man in glasses wiped his lenses dry and walked through the halls to the parlor comfortably and quietly, wearing a pair of slippers provided by his most gracious host. Sitting on a sofa which was more pretty than comfortable, he patiently waited to be officially greeted. It wasn’t a long wait, as the gentleman of his acquaintance arrived promptly with a drink in hand for his guest, and himself, of course.
Lennon instantly smiled at the familiar face. The face of a former lover. A very special lover indeed! This was the first man the musician had been fully intimate with. The man who taught him the word bisexual, the one who actually touched him, the one who made him face himself like no other… Brian Epstein. If an outsider could witness the spectacle of the two greeting, that person would witness a genuine love that neither man could receive from any other. For John, Brian was a combination of father and big brother, swirled together as both manager and teacher. For Brian, John was a beautiful star, bright in the sky and never at his reach, except for that one time. However being the 1960s, it was a quiet memory the queer man thought of fondly, but one he never expected to relive.
John loved women and was in love with Paul, not him. Still the manager of the infamous band enjoyed the relationship he currently had with the rock star. They were friends, and they respected one another. John simply needed instructions at times, which Brian not only knew how to provide, he devote quite a large amount of time to make sure Lennon understood. The youth was willing to learn and the older was willing to teach. They had a mutual respect that could be replicated with no other. Even though it had been years’ since their sexual encounter, the attraction was still there on both sides.
“How have you been feeling?” the older man inquired sitting in a chair across from his friend. This was the first time the pair had seen each other since the meeting in Mister Epstein’s office. The question clearly made his guest uncomfortable, as he squirmed a bit on the couch.
“I feel terrible about what I did to George.” John admitted with his head down. He recalled his actions towards George Harrison while on tour, and upon deep reflection, realized he was indeed a bloody bastard. While both he and the youngest member of their group were fucked up on pills, the lead singer pressured the lead guitarists into sucking his dick. That was bad enough, but then the next morning Lennon frightened the shit out of his bandmate by leaping from the shower while George was naked. As if he couldn’t be more terrible, John neglected to nurture the man he thrusted into same sex passion, leading to the youth to almost starve himself to death. “I sometimes find it hard to live with myself for what I’ve done.” The memory of George’s frail body, standing before him, haunted the lead singers nightmares!
“Well I have good news about that.” Brian replied, causing John to perk his heavy head up. “Paul called this afternoon to inform me, George is opening shower curtains again, unaided.”
“That’s fantastic news!” Lennon said with a smile. “I would do anything to undo all the hell I caused him.”
“Tell me, what would you have done differently?” Epstein asked the younger man, looking the lad directly in the face, holding onto his attention. Immediately John had an answer.
“I would have talked to him in the kitchen,” the singer acknowledged his faults. “and probably convince him to take a shower with me.” He was a jerk for not doing just that, instead of being kind and gentle, like Brian who helped John face these feelings, he scared his friend into madness! “Seriously, every second I wish I could change what happened.”
“Well the best my boy, you can do is learn from this mistake.” Brian got up and poured himself another drink and topped off his guest’s, then sat next to him on the uncomfortable sofa. “Now tell me…” he said taking the hand of the Beatle, “…who else have you slept with in the group, other than George?” There came a heavy sigh from the younger man, as he confessed his other sin.
“Paul.” John admitted bluntly.
“I see.” The queer host acknowledged. He should have known. In a way, Mister Epstein had been expecting this to occur. Though George being involved was definitely a curve ball, as they say in the states, but always knew John’s infatuation with Paul would eventually come to a head. “When did this begin?” he asked gently, aware this was a touchy subject for his client who struggled with his sexual identity.
“A couple of months ago when we were in the States.” The man in glasses stated with his mind filled with memories of the shared passions the best friends shared. “We used to rendezvous every few weeks. That is until I fucked it up with what I did to George.” Lennon had his head down. He missed Paul. This would have been their “lovers night” together if he hadn’t been so stupid.
“This will pass.” Brian softly assured, putting his hand on his companions leg. “Did you talk to Paul at least?” John shifted again in response to the question.
“Kind of.” He blurted out, not really wanting to admit on how much further he had fucked up.
“What do you mean?” the mature man pressed firmly. He was determine to find out how far this had gone.
“Well after our first night we were almost caught by George and Rich, banging on our door.” The lead singer explained. “Poor Paulie had to hide in the bathroom.”
“So when did you talk to him?” Mister Epstein really wanted to know.
“About a month later when we were snowed in.” the skinny lad told his counsel truthfully. Flashes of that emotional night played in the young man’s mind. Paul was so loving and sweet with him during his vulnerable state, why the fuck didn’t he do the same thing with George? Brian was steadily observing his guest’s posture as they sat close together.
“I see,” the queer acknowledged. “you were there for three nights,” the manager pointed out. “did you talk then?”
“A little.” The Beatle replied sheepishly. “George discovered us after our first night we reunited together.” The memory of the terror he felt that morning, along with the sheer humiliation lingered in his head! Feeling his cheeks redden, Lennon continued. “I helped Paul with a few things but I haven’t been able to reach all of his demons. He is still freaked out about our attraction to each other...” Shaking his head about the foolishness of it all and all the time he wasted, John finished his statement. “…but most of the down time was spent with the other lads. We had to tell them about our relationship and answer their many questions.”
“And the only time you had alone together you spent in bed?” the manager asked with a hint of sarcasm.
“And the shower and almost in front of the mirror in the bathroom.” John slightly clapped back, with a hint of playful pride. It was almost like bragging, but not quite.
“So I need to have a talk with Paul when he returns?” the older man replied, more than asked. He was already wondering how Paul was going to react when confronted. John was shy and George was terrified, McCartney was going to be a wildcard, for sure.
“I would recommend it.” The younger man agreed. “I had wanted to bring Paul to you, and be there with him.” He sighed again. “I confess I need help learning how to talk to these men like you did to me. You handled my first time so perfectly...” he paused for a second then looked into Brian’s eyes with a defeated expression. “I don’t know how you did it.” John confessed.
“It takes time and experience.” Assured the man who exclusively only slept with men. “It’s really knowing your partner. Like you, I knew you were curious. I had you tell me how far you had gotten, with other men beforehand.” Then squeezing the hand in his grasp he furthered his explanation. “I also knew your home life, and the struggles you endured with your parents. I worked with what I knew and what I witnessed during and after our love making.” This forced the musician to raise an eyebrow.
“Wow, you put a lot of thought into this.” Lennon stated impressed.
“You have to.” Brian reminded the compulsive youth. “When you first woke up after our first night, I could tell you were having an anxiety attack.” He could feel John’s hand trembled as the experienced queer relayed the events after their shared encounter. “You were shaking and trying to crawl away!” the irony of the memory didn’t go unnoticed by John. Seeing the distress in his friend, Brian stroked the lads face, much like he had done in Barcelona. “Knowing your need for comfort from a fatherly figure, I knew you would go right back to sleep once I drew you in.” Even though the host stated this with the utmost love, Lennon felt a wave of rebellion and clapped at the statement.
“I’m not that boy anymore.” The lad snapped, pushing away slightly. He was offended, but he still liked the affection and didn’t really want it to stop!
“Yes you are.” Brian simply replied without hesitation. Looking his defiant client over he stated his observation. “You might have played some more, but you still have the same insecurities you were struggling with back then. Hell I bet Paul even had to comfort you.” This inflamed John and he got up sharply, walking in front of the fireplace and focused his eyes to a random photo on the mantle.
“Only twice.” Lennon said as he pushed his glasses up his nose. “the last time was after George found us and I panicked.” Brian could only see his guest’s back as he defended his position.
“Understandable.” Epstein agreed gently, but was firm in his question. “What about the first time?” he thought he had the lad figured out, however, John could still surprise him. Instantly the shoulders of the man with his back to him, slouched. A deep depression radiated from the youth, as he gasped to speak.
“…It was the first time I ever let anyone…” the younger man choked a little, but gathered himself. “Paul, penetrate me.” He said in a light whisper, just loud enough to be heard by the only other person in the room.
This surprised the manager. He hadn’t expected Lennon’s sexual encounters to progress so quickly. Brian softly walked over to John, but instead of a hand to his shoulder, Lennon felt the arms of his manager wrap around his chest. Just like Paul did that snowy night. This literally forced every suppressed emotion the Beatle had been neglecting to raise to the surface.
“I’m sorry.” The older man responded somberly. “I had no idea how adventurous you have become.”
“Yeah it’s been an adventure.” John was able to utter. He couldn’t hide his crying any longer.
“What happened when you let Paul come so close?” John could feel the warm breath in his ear, as Brian inquired further on the subject.
“I broke.” Lennon cried with a crack in his voice. “I had wanted him for so long,” he could feel tears sliding down the point of his nose. “and have loved him so much.” The lad struggled to keep his breath. “I broke just seeing him…” John’s voice disappeared in his throat.
“I know how much you have wanted Paulie.” The older man gently comforted. John turned to face Epstein and threw himself into the older man’s arms. Lennon soon found he was snuggling into that ever loving chest of their manager.
Brian was right. He was always right! Deep down, he was still that boy. Epi’s boy.