Will They Won't They

He's back

He's holding her hand
Maybe it's a friend. Maybe her bf is behind her
You don't look at friends like that or kiss their hand.
Fuck.
My chest hurts. Shit.
I debate leaving, but as I look up, I catch his eyes
I plaster on a smile as I try not to cry
"Hi," I say as I reach for a hug
I didn't just smell his neck. I swear. His hugs still feel like home. Like safety

"Bee, this is Taylor. Taylor, this is Bee," he said, pointing to his gorgeous gf. "My fiance"
I swallow as my heart breaks.
"Hi Bee, lovely to meet you." I manage to utter as she moves in for a hug.
I just hugged and smelt her boyfriend.. fiance .. shit.
"So nice to meet you too. Finally." Bee agrees as we hug.

"So when did this happen?" I ask as we sit down, and I have a sip of my boiling, bloody, burning coffee.
I wish I could pour it over myself and down in it. Pity people know me know this town.

"Actually," says Bee. "We've known each other since Sam moved to Brisbane." Bee smiles
She looks like a bloody angel when she smiles, not a deranged otter like I've been told.
"We were friends of friends, and it just seemed to evolve from there."
She's living my dream. Fuck sake.

"And this?" I say waving at the ring.
Its fucking massive why didn't I notice it. My heart feels like it's being crushed.

They look at each  other like lovesick puppies before he glances at me.
He's fucking worried about me! I saw the concern and pity!
'He cares'  a small part of my stupid heart that isn't totally dead yet chirps.

"It was only a month ago, actually." Fuck his voice. This is why we never call. Or at least I don't.

"Oh," I swallow.
"Yeah we wanted to tell our parents before it went over social media."
Right cos he's a big shot in Brisbane of course.
"How did he do it?" I address my question to Bee unable to look at him or I'll break

"Would you guys like any drinks?"
Bloody Grace, but at the same time thank God for Grace. She takes their order while trying to catch my eye.
I stareat my coffee, if I look at her she'll see she's always been able to read me.

"So a flat white with 1 half sugars and a tea with milk?" Confirms Grace.
"Yes thanks," chirps Bee.
"I'll be right back with those" Grace says as she finally leaves.

"So," Bee starts, "oh yeah it was after our 2 year anniversary..
I snap my eyes to him 'Two fucking years and he never fucking mentioned her' Dear God the time I planned to go surprise him. He knew. He knew I was going to come out and he had a fucking girlfriend the whole time.

He's staring at me. That head tilt. The stupid sad smile.

"... and so he took me to the park, a little secret area that we used to visit.
I tuned back in to what Bee was saying.
He'd decorated it with lights and a little picnic was set up on a rug. He started saying how much he loved me and that he was glad we finally went for our first date all those years ago. Then he dropped to one knee and pulled out the box... And here we are." Smiled Bee looking up at him.

"Oh wow how sweet."  I wanted to vomit.

"He is, isnt he" she gushed and kissed his cheek. "Now before the drinks get her I need the loo."
" Just down the back on the left"  he looked at me and I nodded.
"There's just one, don't be gentle with the door"  I added.
"I won't," she giggled- bloody giggled as she walked away.

                     ----------------

"Tay," he started.
"Shut up," I hissed, finally meeting his eyes.  "You don't get to call me that. Two years! You've been with her for two years! How did you explain our conversations or the postcards."
"I ... ah.. "
"You knew," I interrupted him. "You knew I was planning to come see you. What would you have done then? Oh, sorry, Taylor, this is my gf of 1.5 years that I just forgot to mention!"
I glared at him. Any trace of feelings hidden under anger. If I still had any coffee left, he would be wearing it.
But he was never really yours a voice says. You'd look crazy.
I cross my arms, waiting for an explanation.

"Here's your coffee and tea. And I bought water for the table. " Says Grace in a cheerful  tone, no doubt feeling the frosty mood. I raise my lips in a half-hearted smile at her before she leaves.

"Well?" I prompt him 
"I didn't want to hurt you. After Ben .."
I roll my eyes at him. "I am fine with all that he finally left town a few months ago."
"WHAT?!  He was still here?" He bursts out.
"Who was still here, honey?" Asks Bee as she returns.

Haha, she called him honey even though her name is Bee. I smirk internally, at least I hope it's internally.

"Oh um, Tay's ex the one I mentioned, remember? Was still in town until 3 months ago."
"Ohhh, wow,that must have been hard," Bee sympathises
He told her?! Fuck sake.
"Mmh, I had a restraining order and everyone in town was aware of it so it was fine." I grimace

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that"
I just shrug, "I had my friends" I say glancing at Him.
His eyes widen.
"Oh babe, could go ask for some raw sugar I forgot to mention it when we ordered"
"No worries" Bee kissed his cheek, his soft, lightly stubbled cheek. Fuuck me. Can I die already.

"That was why you were going to come?Because he was still here?" He still snears when he refers to him I notice.
I shrug again.
"Why didn't you mention that?"
"I wanted to talk in person, postcards or texts don't seem to be the best format big news do they?" I reply looking pointedly at Bee.

I flash back to when he was last here. The horses, the pool, the .. ah ... movie. His hair was longer. You could hold on to it.
Whatever we were watching had a kiss scene and we caught each other's eyes trying not to laugh. I don't know who moved first.

"Did you ever -"
"Tay-"

"Here you go 3 raw sugars. What were you guys talking about?" Bee asks as she returns.
"Nothing, just remembering when we were kids" I say quickly.