Existing is a thing we do.

Existing is a thing you do, just like eating, sleeping, pissing and having good or bad days. There is no "correct" way of existing I suppose, my brother always said suicide is a cowards way out but I don't think it is. It takes a lot of strength to end your life, I know people who killed themselves, I know people that knew people who killed themselves and I don't think it's a coward's way. 

How much strength do you think it took if someone put a knife to their throat and slit it, how much courage did it take to jump off a cliff if they are afraid of heights, how much lying to themselves do you think it took them to make themselves do it to themselves. I again will say there is no "correct way" of Existing you can end your life or you can see where life can take you. It could be good or could be bad, and I won't lie I'm glad my life is better then others but I wish I could take the pain from others away from them and chuck it in the trash but physically it is impossible. 

 There are people in this world who got sexually assaulted or taken advantage of but everyone of those people are so strong if they ended living or dying they are strong either way because they went through the trama and the crying they are so much stronger then I am and I can envy them because they went through things I could ever imagine and that is why I hate people, even though hate is a strong word I do I think we are all idiots and assholes we don't think we just do like a couple of headless chickens running around, but honestly if I could change this world so there isn't no hate, no abuse, no hurt I would in a heartbeat, there are good people in this world and I found that out not that long ago, I think I just met the wrong type of people which is sadly a fact.

I did talk to my mom about this topic not even a year ago and told her that I thought there are more bad then good people, she doesn't believe with the topic and I still disagreed. I still think that way, but maybe the good people can somehow overpower the bad in some way. I have heard kids getting k!lled because of their sexuality, I have heard cops arresting and beating the shit out of black people because of their skin color and I don't want this to keep happening because all it is doing is creating more bad people, people who wants revenge for their kids or for their lover, I heard the other week a trans girl beautiful girl only 16 she died and they found her body in the park of washington stabbed to death. Why is it that people can't accept others? I still ask that question to myself every day but I couldn't come up with an answer because it's always about their sexuality, their race, their body figure, if they were born different, autistic, people always find a way to hurt others physically or mentally. 

Existence is a thing where you stay on this earth, but I have to say that it isn't easy for a lot of us, it isn't. I myself who is writing this has tried to commit suicide when I was thirteen but now im eighteen, and im trying to get better for my family mostly I tried anti depressiants and anxiety pills and breathing strats and it worked for a while but I ended up self harming myself which I quit doing for over 500 days and I broke it. I hate myself for doing it but I try to smile and continue trying to help my family and friends. 

Existing perfect with a perfect life and perfect house and a perfect friend is practically impossible, even if you think this girl we will say and is living her best life you don't know what goes on behind those doors when you don't see her she may be rich but she might be sad even if you see her laughing it could be a fake smile hiding her tears, it could be that she is actually laughing because that is the only place she feels safe and happy. There are times where you have to be there for someone because you may never see them again and it's sad I wish I would've said the words "I love you" to so many people, but I didn't and now I can never see them again. Maybe I can if there is a heaven or a place you get to see your dead loved ones but who knows there are many possibilities and scientists haven't figured the after life yet, I would call them stupid but they aren't if i'm being honest they're smarter than me at least but maybe that's because I am an idiot half the 18 years i've been living which is commical to me. 

But if there is one thing I know for a fact is that you are strong, those who are living and those who have sadly ended their lives, there is no proper way of existing rather than staying strong and live your life as best as you can before your life ends suddenly. It may be a sad way of thinking but I am being logical because I think what I think and I will stick to what I think and maybe get an opinion on what my thoughts are. And I doubt anyone will see this but this will be an attempt to give people a little hope that maybe the world can be good for a change and I hope I get to make a breakthrough to someone even if it's one person I would be happy with that stay strong everyone<3.