My eyes fluttered close momentarily, as my sleepless nights overcame me. As my head fell abruptly onto my bed I jolted up from my sleepy daze. It had been weeks since I had gotten a normal amount of sleep and those sleepless nights were catching up to me, very quickly. The bags under my eyes grew rapidly every day. Yet no matter when I went to bed, the horrors of reality crashed down upon me roughly every night keeping me awake trembling in my bed looking for a quick, painless escape.
I could feel my body shut down and I knew there was no way I was going to finish anymore homework. I decided that it would be best if I woke up early in the morning rather than feebly attempt to do it while my brain was barely functioning. As I tossed all my books into my backpack, trying to make room on my bed, I felt the sleep overcome me. In what only felt like seconds after my head hit the pillow I was completely asleep.
The sweat clung to my forehead as I breathed heavily while wiping the sleep out of my eyes. Vaguely I could remember having a nightmare, where I was suffocating and begging for help, but nobody came. I knew I had this nightmare plenty of times before, but it still haunted me. 2:47 A.M. is what my clock read when I finally was able to open my eyes and see clearly. Slowly, as if I knew my body would not be able to handle any rapid movement, I reached for my bedside lamp and turned it on. Squinting as the bright light burned my eyes I attempted to adjust to the new light source.
I finally decided to get up and take a shower, knowing that would help me not only calm my nerves but also wake me up a little bit. As I stepped under the steaming hot water I could feel all my problems wash away, even if only for a moment. The burning hot water that splashed all over my body would have been painful to anyone else, but to me it made me feel alive. It allowed me to know that even though I was completely numb, I was still alive, and that gave me some minuscule amount of hope.
As I stepped out of the shower and began to dry myself the entire house seemed eerily quiet. I felt completely and utterly vulnerable, yet I was mentally unable to process why that was. Slowly my vision blackened as I steadied myself upon my bed, I felt dizzy and sick from the shower, my body was so weak I was unable to stand for long periods of times. Closing my eyes, I waited for a little bit waiting for this feeling to pass. As it did I decided to take slow deep breaths calming my nerves, the vision loss lasted a lot longer than usual, I knew I was getting weaker but there was nothing I was able to do about it.
I towel dried my hair while still trying to calm myself. I eventually gave up feebly trying to make my hair damp, knowing that it would eventually dry itself. I had very thick hair and it always took hours to dry, I was never able to simply dry it myself, it had to be dried naturally. As I threw my wet towel over the chair by my desk, I grabbed my phone from my bedside table and unwrapped the headphone which were snaked around the phone. Eventually, after scrolling past 100 songs I decided to play Skinny Love by Birdy in hopes of getting my mind off reality.
I knew I should have been focused on doing my homework but it was Saturday morning and I knew that I was not going to get any work done because I felt mentally and physically drained. I closed my eyes hoping to drift off too sleep even for a little while longer, but eventually I accepted my fate and decided there was no way I was going to be able to fall asleep again.
My laptop rested on my bedside table and I reached for it, too tired to get up and grab it, despite almost falling while reaching for it. Gently I opened it and waited for it to load. Skype popped up and automatically logged me in. Before I even realized what was happening I was accepting a call in an attempt to stop the incessant ringing. Pulling out my headphone I smiled as the black screen widened and showed my older brother. His naturally olive colored skin seemed to have darkened since I had last seen him, his tightly kept black curls had unwound throughout the night and the now framed his face. I had to blink a few times to adjust my eyes due to the bright green shirt he wore which obviously represented his fraternity. The Greek letters popping out on his shirt making it obvious to anyone with eyes he was in a frat. He looked completely blissful, and I could tell he hadn’t slept yet, he had been up partying all night.
“Hey Ashna, how was your night?” His words slurred together as he tried to act sober.
“Its morning for me, I couldn’t sleep, and unlike you I don’t stay up to the crack of dawn drinking,” I teased him, giggling slightly.
“I’m in college!” He tried defending himself. “I’m supposed to have fun! Anyway I just wanted to say hi, and check in on you before I go to bed, is everything all right?”
“Of course! Go back to sleep, i’ll call you later! Goodnight!” As I faked a smile trying to make him stop worrying about me I waved goodbye to him and logged off Skype. I was glad he was drunk otherwise he would have seen through my fake smile immediately.
I dramatically slammed my laptop shut and threw it towards the end of my bed. Sighing out of relief I quickly brought the blankets over my head and curled up into bed resting my eyes, in hope of getting a couple more hours of sleep.
A.N. Hey guys, I would love it if you guys would vote and comment! Let me know if you like my writing, whether or not it is good, any thing you might want me to include! I love feedback! I'm not the best author and criticism helps me!
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