The enemy is inside of me - Postcard #1

The enemy is inside of me

Am I alone with the thoughts that I have? I'm afraid that I'm scared of myself...

"To lose patience is to lose the battle" and it seems as if Pete is slowly loosing the battle. It could have been such a lovely day; Vegas woke him up with a kiss and a cup of coffee, and for once it wasn't raining, just endless clear blue skies. Yes, it could have been such a lovely day, if only Vegas hadn't tricked him. Pete still isn't quite sure how it happened, Vegas is getting better and better at manipulating him it seems. It could have been a lovely day, but instead here he is, valiantly trying to stay calm even though Vegas is glaring at him.

What the hell is his boyfriend even irritated about now? Pete is trying, isn't he? He is sitting here just as Vegas wanted, in this stupid sunny room with its high ceiling, the stupid yellow walls and the stupid dark teak ornaments ("Stop damaging the ornaments, they are antiques, do you have any idea how much it costs to repair them?!"... Blah blah blah... ). He has better things to do, but hey, here he is, sitting on the most uncomfortable couch ever made. Of course that is also an antique.

This whole damn mansion is full of antiques. Why do they have to live here again? The house is too big, too old, and too crowded. There are people everywhere, all the time, and yes, it is starting to stress him out.

I'm waking up and I feel the strain
I'm feeling pushed again

He shouldn't have gotten rid of his own apartment, that was another stupid mistake he made. He has been making a lot of questionable decisions lately. Who would have thought when moving in with Vegas, that they would end up in this mansion? Certainly not Pete. No, he didn't sign up for this.

It is all his own damn fault. He is constantly glitching, the whole damn code is wrong, corrupted beyond repair, and the source of that corruption is currently sitting next to him on the couch, his mere presence making Pete's brain go all haywire. Even when he's irritated, Vegas looks so damn good that it kind of takes Pete's breath away. Just what the hell is happening to him?

Speaking of couches, it's so fucking unfair. Vegas throws a fit every time those damn ornaments get damaged, but does he even raise an eyebrow when the hells-pawn is using this antique couch as a scratching post? Oh no... he doesn't even blink. Or raise his voice at Venice. Not unlike he is doing with Pete right now.

"Not like this. You are doing it all wrong, are you even listening to me?" Vegas is making a frustrated sound at the back of his throat. He could do with some patience too, Pete ponders idly, so quick to loose his temper, allowing his growing irritation with Pete to bleed into his voice.

I'm feeling pushed again

... One. Two. Three. Four. Five...

Inhale. Exhale. Repeat. Who even came up with the idiotic idea that two slippery long metal sticks would be the ideal tools for wrestling a thread of yarn into submission, forcing it into interlacing hoops and knots? They are way too light as well, not at all neatly balanced, they just do not feel good when Pete is holding them. Maybe if they were made out of a different sort of metal, something heavier, maybe then those needles would feel more natural to him. To call them 'needles' is wrong as well. Needles should be sharp and pointy. As sharp as his knives, now those feel great in his hands. Pete sighs. Everything is wrong about these tools; the weight, the material, even the name. But here he is, sitting on the damn couch, he is trying and he really should get some brownie points for that, right?

Patience. I need to be patient. Pete takes a deep breath to calm himself. "I am listening. Why don't you back off and let me do this my way?" He tells Vegas gently. It was gently, right? Because Vegas is frowning at him as if he has been yelled at. Pete is pretty sure he didn't yell. Okay, so maybe he raised his voice a tiny little bit, but that shouldn't have been enough to make Vegas frown like this. He doesn't like it when Vegas frowns at him. And Pete also doesn't like it when Vegas tone gets all cold and hard with frustration, it puts him on edge.