Who I Was Before Asher Caine.

Chapter Nine.

It's been a week since I kissed Caine. In fact, I've replayed it over and over in my head. I called Ramona the next morning and told her everything, then I realized it reminded me of a middle school crush. That is all this is. On the other hand, maybe I am only saying this because, since that little kiss, I have not seen or heard from him. He has not shown up any of the times we have all hung out. Speaking of not showing up; Ian still won't speak to me or even look my way in class.

"I think Ian cut ties with all of us. He blocked me along with everyone else." Ana lounges across my bed and scrolls through Instagram.

"I don't understand why he's being like this towards you guys." I roll my eyes.

I am currently working on an outline for an essay that equals over half of my yearly grade. The topic is 'who I am, and who I want to be' and I asked if Ana wanted to come over to give me some inspiration, but she's not good at ideas. That makes two of us.

"Cameron's super pissed about the photo Caine posted. She needs to just get over the fact that he is playing her and move the hell on!" She laughs.

"I didn't know he even took the photo. Besides, it doesn't even matter. He ignored my text."

"Well, what did you say? He hasn't talked to anyone else either." She raises an eyebrow.

"I literally just said 'hey.'"

She shrugs but doesn't say much more. 

I can't help but wonder if maybe he hasn't come around because he regrets kissing me. Maybe I freaked him out. I can't let him distance himself from his own friends because he thinks it's going to be awkward. I have to go talk to him, and since I don't think he will reply, I am just going to show up. 

I ask Ana to give me a ride, and she is hesitant but agrees.

On the way, I begin to get nervous. I just have to get this over with.

Ana drops me off in front of the house and tells me to call her if I need her—she'd be here in a heartbeat. The house looks even bigger when there is not a large crowd of people and the yard doesn't have beer bottles lining the paved way.

Before I can even knock, the door swings open, and just my luck... Ian is seeing himself out. He glares at me for a few seconds. He looks as if he wants to say something, but instead, he shakes his head and walks past me. He doesn't even look a second time. I can't say the same; I watch him leave as my heart sits in the pit of my stomach. Why do I have a feeling that this is a bad idea?

I turn around to knock on the door, but I am already greeted by Caine.

"Your boyfriend is pretty mad." He laughs mockingly.

Caine leans against the frame of the door. He is wearing nothing but sweatpants and a black beanie, and his hair curls up from the sides. The tattoos on his skin are placed randomly but don't clash. He doesn't even have to try; he is naturally good-looking.

I gulp, trying to find words to say, but the way he is staring at me is causing me to be consumed with overwhelming anxiety. 

After a few minutes of standing here in silence, he gestures for me to enter, and he goes up to his room.

"I, uh, thought it would be a good idea if we talked about what happened last weekend and cleared the air.." I nervously speak, sitting on the end of his bed. "Also, Ian's not my boyfriend."

He laughs before displaying a confused look on his face.

"You know when we..."

"Oh. You mean when you kissed me? Nah, man, I'd be lying if I said I didn't know you were into me." He pauses as his face drops into an emotionless stare. "I don't want anything with you."

Is he trying to gaslight me into thinking that all of that was only in my head? I can't help but feel hurt. After him telling me about his music, while watching the sunset? That just sounds romantic. I don't even know what I was expecting, but it sure wasn't his cold stare.

Before I can say anything else, I hear Cameron's voice coming up the stairs.

She immediately sees me when she turns the corner of his room, and laughs.

"Thanks for asking me to come over, babe." 

Babe?! I thought he said he doesn't date?

She pulls Caine closer and crashes her lips against his. He doesn't hesitate to return her passionate kiss.

I look stupid even coming to try to ease this situation and clear the air.

I turn to leave before he speaks again.

"Look goody! If you're worried about me and my boy, we are cool. I also could not care less if you're around my friends or not. You can see yourself out, right?" His smirk grows wide as he gestures for me to leave.

As I walk out of the house, I hear a loud crash followed by moaning. They don't even have the respect to wait until I get outside. 

I don't even want to call Ana to come get me, I'm so embarrassed. I just call an Uber home.

The distraught in my heart still hasn't lightened up; for some reason, it only feels a thousand pounds heavier. I try to do everything I can to ease my mind, but how do you ease one thought when there are a million others running through?

As I lay in bed, I think of the things I could do to get even, but it doesn't even feel worth it. As I said before, it's nothing but a middle school crush. I also begin to think about how I let this stupid attraction get in the way of my friendship with Ian. If Caine can make up with him that easily, why can't I?

I quickly grab my phone and dial his number. It only rings a few times before his voice answers. 

"Yea." 

"I don't want to chase your best friend, Ian. I want to chase this friendship, and maybe something more." I basically word vomit. "Just come over."

I don't let him say anything else before hanging up on him.

About an hour or so passes, and I start to think he's not coming, until I hear a knock at my window. 

Ian quickly climbs through as soon as I open it quietly. 

"It's the weekend you didn't have to--"

Before I finish my sentence, he pulls me in for a tight hug and doesn't let go for about five minutes. He smells like he just got out of the shower, and his blonde hair lays perfectly soaked. 

We both just instantly laugh and act as if we never fought.

The rest of the night is spent watching movies and talking about the drama at school. Supposedly, the gym coach is cheating on her husband with one of the students. It's so disgusting to think about, but I can't help but laugh.

It feels so good to be able to talk to Ian again, he makes everything instantly better.