ᴄʜᴀsɪɴɢ ʀᴀɪɴʙᴏᴡ

~28. Pandemonium of the world

Set Me Free Pt.2 - Jimin

Jimin raised one grain of rice with his chopstick to his mouth and bit it with his Incisors. He repeated it quickly while Rosenow watched. "Are you okay?" She interrupted the man. 

Jimin tilted his head, his mouth stretching into an absurd smile to refute the concern. "What do you mean? Of course, I am."

Then why don't you focus on anything except your work? You space out with Iseul in your lap. You haven't been yourself when we are together at night. You don't talk to me anymore unless I do. You spend too much time at work. You come home drunk and go straight to bed. "You have been silent lately, Jimin. Is something bothering you at work?" She asked, extending her hand to hold his, hoping once again he wouldn't shut her down like numerous times in the past.

Sighing slowly, Jimin grabbed Rosenow's palm and smiled at her, the stiff smile that fooled no one. "I am sorry. You are right." As he was apologizing, it wasn't lost on him that he didn't know how to make things better. He had been trying to find Jungkook, but failing miserably. He even went to length to also hire a private investigator, but he hadn't heard anything from her either. 

Jungkook was in his mind constantly like a worm, seeping into deep tissues every minute. The fear, anger, confusion, and regret, forming a complex mass of emotions presented him with a dull ache every waking breath. He was failing inside, as a husband, father, and human being, and he couldn't ask for help.

Everyone blamed him in the past, and he couldn't picture anyone coming to stand with him now. What was his fault? That he couldn't reciprocate someone's feelings?

He was told he deserved to suffer. His friends boycotted him because he was in love with a woman. He had to see people revolt because he decided to get married and chose happiness. He was told he didn't deserve people's sympathy. He was demoralized because Jungkook decided to up and disappear.

It was the same as patients' families blaming him for killing their loved one in an unlucky and failed surgical event. People forgot about him the moment they stepped out of the hospital if he saved lives, but they cursed him forever if someone lost a life. They didn't care how he stayed up in the operating theater without eating and sleeping for hours with his legs swelling and his body on the verge of a breakdown, trying beyond his capability to do right.

How was any of it fair? How could the world show sympathy towards Jungkook in the same breath as they vilified and destroyed him? Why was everyone blind to see his side? Why were they immune to his pain?

All his friends sided with Taehyung. No one kept in touch with him. As a result, he changed, never stopping trying to make it right, thinking like everyone else that perhaps he deserved to be blamed. He started to believe that he was an outlier, cast away to burn in the pandemonium of the world's making, the same world he wanted to bloom, the same world in which he sent kindness and saved lives. 

Now that he knew that Taehyung probably found Jungkook, he didn't know whether to look for him first and apologize to him the second time, or face Taehyung's malice all over again. Knowing that it could hurt his wife, he kept his endeavors private, only suffering alone, overthinking through the nights all the while shouldering the responsibilities of marriage, barely holding it together.

He had lost his strength, his will to make amends, and above all, hope. 

"Jimin?" The woman was now standing beside him, her hands on her knees as she bent down.