Red Stars

Chapter 2: Just Friends.

Today marks two months to our friendship. I know he has feelings for me, he knows I have for him. But perhaps it's the euphoria of a newfound connection for which neither of us seems to have the courage to take it up a notch and ask the other person out. He has tried, I must give him credit for that. He has tried to flirt and I have flirted back, but everytime I sensed him moving ahead with it, I'd change the subject. I don't know if it's my trauma from my previous heartbreak with Mark or what but I have this strange fear inside of me — of finding love only to lose it again.

This human right here is great, inside out. I came across him on social media through a mutual friend and we got to talking. It felt like that electric buzz when you instantly click with someone and find everything you've ever wanted within them. Now, take me as no fool— I know that it's blatant stupidity. There are flaws to people that you can't know of unless you've been through the dark with them. But something about Dave made me want to know his flaws only to get closer to him.

It's crazy how a mere infatuation can put you in the most unbelievable spots at times. Sometimes I wonder if we are all just puppets in this grand scheme of things, puppeteered by the remarkable duo of love and loss. And even if we are, would we really be willing to have it any other way?
I know how Anna quotes that woman in Before Sunrise, everything we do in life is perhaps just a way to be loved a little more. How powerful does an emotion have to be to alter the course of billions of lives like that. It's invincible.
And maybe now I'm ready to surrender to its invincibility.

Dave is a military man. He joined not very long ago, and he's one of his parents' two sons. Talking to him and getting to know him has been a fun experience in itself. He happens to have a lot of knowledge, he's in touch with his emotions (as much as military allows him to be), has had experience with disappointing relationships before, and has a very charismatic personality. He's tall and handsome enough. Quite the prince charming, if you ask me.

But that's not why I like him. He has softness to his nature, a softness I've not seen in many men. He cares. And our chemistry is exceptionally wonderful even as friends, so one can only wonder how amazing it could get if we started dating each other. But that's the thing; what if it goes beyond me just dating him? What if I fall in love?

No, I can't afford love. I can't. So I shrug off my fantasies and get back to rearranging my book shelves. Dave is charming and love is destructive. My heart knows better.

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