Part 1 - thoughts

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Stiles's POV

I was running through the woods, like pretty much every evening. I tried to make up for eating my dinner. My eyes were filled with tears and i was so exhausted, but still kept going.

You're disgusting. How could you eat all of that? Aren't you fat enough?

"Shut up, please" i cried, "i'm sorry."

I tripped over a rock and fell to the ground.

"Fuck" i whisppered.

I've hit my arm, but to be honest i've welcomed the pain. For a moment i could feel something else than the digust i have for myself.

I've picked up myself from the ground and suddenly i felt dizzy. I've waited for a while and then started jogging home. Lately, i've felt dizzy most of the time. Probably because i didn't sleep nor eat very much.

I was so cought up in my head that i didn't even notice i arrived at home. I unlocked the door and stepped in. I saw my father asleep on the gouch and next to him there was a half-empty bottle of whiskey. I sighted, went for a blanket and covered my dad with it. Then i took the bottle and put it in the kitchen.

Then i went to my room. I was all sweaty so i decided to take a shower. I took off my shirt and looked in the mirror. I hated what i saw. I could see my ribs, but i still felt like i needed to lose weight. I've got scars on my chest and few new cuts on my arms. They're all from selfharming.

Look at yourself. Who could love you? Your body is so disgusting. How can you live with yourself? Do everyone a favor and next time cut a little deeper.

I've looked at myself for a little longer and tears started to fill my eyes. I've tried so hard not to cry, but the tears still found a way out and then i've stopped to hold them back.

I took the shower, tears still streaming down my face, trying not to look at my body.

Then i've put on my pyjamas and went to bed. I took my phone and noticed five missed calls from Scott and two from Derek.

Why would Derek call me? I thought he haven't noticed that i existed.

I called Scott back.

"Hey, Siles! What's up with you? We have a pack meeting." he said.

Fuck, i've completely forgot about that. "I'm sorry, i fell asleep and had just woken up." I said in a happy voice. I hoped that Scott wouldn't notice how tired my voice sounded.

But he did. "C'mon Stiles. You know i can tell when you're lying. Why didn't you come?"

"I just didn't feel well, that's all. Not a big deal. I'll see you tomorrow at school, okay?"

Scott was quiet for a while, llike he was deciding whether to believe me or not. Finally he said "Okay, see ya tomorrow. Btw. Derek had called you, he'd wanted to know the same thing so don't worry about it, i'll tell him."

"Thanks, tomorrow" i said and hung up, relieved that i got away with my little lie.

I turned off the lights, and l lay with my eyes wide opened. Surprisingly, i couldn't fall asleep.

*Hey! First part is out and i really hope you like it. Sorry for my english, it's my second language se please, be gentle with me :)
TPWK*

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