Tonight I feel myself growing weaker, I feel the desire in me to break, to give up, to just quit. I feel myself beginning to hate who I am, I hate who I've become and I hate that I don't know what I want. I've always known what I wanted, And I've almost always held it together and I don't wanna go back to that place. I'm scared. And I'm alone. I'm awful at commitment. I have a gypsy soul and leaving is what I was born for. I'm good at it. But I'm also awful. I'm independent but I'm lonely. The grass Always looks greener on the other side. What am I doing? I really don't know and I'm damn near close to throwing it all away.. I feel it creeping over me though. The dark cloud settling into my mind, my heart, my eyes. I'm my own nightmare. I'll make and break you. I love so much but fear commitment. I think everyone's gonna leave but that's only because I hold the door open for them to walk out. I'm an idiot. I don't want to be like this. The sadness rises through my body like smoke, the aches the cloudiness I'm so tired it's like losing oxygen. It's slowly consuming me and I'm so afraid of what is to come. The scars are seeming more visible, practically bidding me to come and play but I don't wanna do that, if I cross that line I won't come back.. But it's sinking in my head coming out of my subconscious thoughts. I don't know how to help myself. I forgot what it felt to be here.. I've never been good at being lonely. And I'm so god damn alone.
-blp
YOU ARE READING
thoughts after midnight
Poetrythese are just some poems. some I wrote, some I didn't. I usually write when I'm upset, so most of them will be deep and somewhat disturbing. if I know who wrote it, I'll leave credit with initials. if I don't, I'll leave it as "-unknown". if it's m...
