Road to War Part I: Terrible Lie

I Feel My Hatred Grow All the More Extreme

Some of his dreams are true, some of them are not.  Parts of them are memories, but he knows they are often twisted and confused.  He is relatively sure that the crash at the beginning of the nightmare actually happened, when he was on a mission as the Soldier, but the rest was likely fabrication.  He can't recall either Pierce or Zola entertaining particularly long conversations with him.  They might try to convince him, but there are more effective methods than verbal persuasion if he isn't responding.  Wasn't responding, he corrects himself.  It's over now, Zola is certainly dead.  Pierce was reported missing on the news, so may be as well.

There are few nights he doesn't wake up screaming.  One of the reasons he has to make sure no one is nearby when he sleeps.  Such disturbances are not the kind of thing that avoids attention, which is always his focus.  He knows that people are searching for him, more than just Steve.  HYDRA may have been revealed and partially destroyed with SHIELD, but he is far too valuable an asset for them to let him go.  Particularly given the loss of the helicarriers.  He's the best assassin they have at their disposal, or would be, if they could find him.

It's possible, even likely, that whatever remains of SHIELD is also searching for him.  It makes it that much more important not to allow anyone to witness his metal arm.  The rest of him is easily disguisable, and difficult to notice, but he is not aware of anyone else with that kind of prosthetic.  So he wears long sleeves and gloves and is careful not to allow anyone to touch him.  He doesn't know how noticeable it is to touch, but always errs on the side of caution.

After he gets up, he does what he can to obscure evidence of his presence in the room, then takes a portable breakfast from what's provided in the lobby before continuing his search from the day before.  As he walks, he considers his dreams and tries to piece things together based on what the museum exhibit and his other research suggested.  Some of it was likely exaggerated, if not outright propaganda, so he wants some indication of the truthfulness from his own memories.

Of course, his own mind is not a particularly reliable source at this point.  Everything is jumbled.  He knows that Pierce and Zola were not around at the same time, at least not giving him orders at the same time.  Whether or not they knew each other is a mystery.  Perhaps they did, but he doesn't think he ever saw them together.  Not that it matters.  The version of Steve from his dream was the skinnier version, which he knows is not the one that went to war and formed the Howling Commandos.  But apparently it is the version with which he is most comfortable.

Searching the streets of Brooklyn takes all day.  He is unhurried; he has nowhere he needs to be.  Nothing rings any bells, at least not in a way that is obvious.  Some streets give him pause and he stares down them intently, but nothing concrete enters his thoughts regarding if he's been here before.  It starts to look much like any other city, at least on the ground, and he wonders if he wasted his time coming here.

As much as he knows there is nothing he is supposed to be doing, or places he is supposed to be going, he finds it difficult to entertain the thought of wasting time.  He wonders if Bucky was similarly motivated or if that was trained into him by HYDRA.  It wouldn't be useful to have their prize weapon spending his precious time out of cryo for anything that wasn't benefiting the nation.  Or HYDRA, at least.  He often catches himself walking with purpose, and must slow down and amble along to avoid attention.

Eventually, he finds himself at a large cemetery.  A large historic cemetery.  He pauses outside, frowning up at the sign and shuffling his feet uncertainly.  Having been gone from here for seventy years, he reminds himself, this wouldn't be an unreasonable location to look for clues about his past.  Not that he expects them to be particularly meaningful at this point.  He doesn't remember any names, except Steve's.  And his own, perhaps.