Only The Stars Know

the best part of youth

I told myself I wouldn't dwell on this feeling anymore. . . the longing for a love that never existed, looking for a person that was never mine.

I came to my old school to gather the requirements my sister would need for college. However, here I am, standing in an empty classroom where there used to be a lot of students, but in my eyes, there was only him.

Perhaps the sweet remembrance of youth that came along with the memories of him is why I find it difficult to forget him. I sighed, remembering what might have happened if I hadn't been too shy to tell him how I felt.

For four long years, I watched and admired him from afar. It had been ten years since I last saw him, but his smiles were still vividly visible in some parts of my mind.

A small smile formed on my face as the dust from the windowpanes swirled away. . . Visions of the first time I saw Julian flashed before my eyes.

It was our first day in high school, and he was an instant heartthrob. Girls giggled, cheered, and drooled as he introduced himself to the class.

I was sitting in the last row. Like half of the class, I stared at Julian, knowing he would never look my way.

People didn't bully me. In fact, they said I should be more confident because I was pretty. . . but I eventually became an outcast due to my lack of social skills. Someone completely different from him. He was the center of attention. I was sitting in the shadows. Despite that, I still giggle when we make eye contact.

My feelings grew after weeks of being in the same class as him. He wasn't like most boys I knew. He wasn't rude or arrogant. He had a gentle aura, and his smiles were contagious! I always find myself smiling like a fool when I see him laugh.

Most of the time, my mornings were giddy when my first thought was him. I would come to school with a grin, and I didn't mind if we did not talk. Seeing him had always been enough.

However, the universe caught me off guard when he spoke to me for the first time.

Oh. . . I could never forget the first time we exchanged words.

"Can I borrow a pen?" he asked with a smile.

I wasn't ready, so I stared at him for what seemed like forever. I was panicking! Forget about the butterflies in my stomach. I could feel the whole wildlife there.

"I uhh." He paused and rubbed the back of his neck. "I lost mine earlier," he continued.

My heart was pounding against my chest, but I managed to grab my pencil case. I took out the newest pen I have, the one I haven't used yet, and gave it to him.

"Here," I said, my head hung low.

"Thanks! I'll uhh. . . give it back later," he beamed.

He returned to his seat, leaving me speechless. Since then, I've always brought extra pens, pencils, and paper. I made sure that I had everything he might need to borrow.