Hunting for Happiness

Chapter 2

I tried to calm myself. I wanted to talk to someone. But I had no one. I felt like I was constantly trying to catch a train but I never quite make it. My breathing became harder. I sat down. My mom instantly went blue. And then I heard these few sentences. These words didn't click at first. The men spoke to my mother and when they finished my mothers face went blank. I jumped up to see what was going on. Basically they straight up told me that my father had escaped in the middle of the night. He had jumped into the fishing nets and committed suicide. I immediately broke down. I asked God why. Why me? Had I done something wrong? I felt as if, they made a mistake. My dad wouldn't have done that. He was so calm but he never really told me how he felt. He never opened up. Maybe this was all my fault. I never asked if he were okay. If he needed someone to talk to. Perhaps all he needed was a hug. And maybe I wanted to give him one but I was afraid. Scared that he would hurt me again. I had scars from him. Mentally and physically. After my dad went away, I stopped going to school. Someone had to take care of my siblings. And somehow, I fit the role. I love my mom but I'm slowly collapsing and she doesn't see it. She is too "busy". I am a building after it has been struck. Slowly falling down. Hurting people along the way. I don't know how much more I can do.