A Match Made for Failure

Please ignore any typos! The only Version of this fic I revised was the Ao3 version.

Don't be shy to say hi to my ao3 :)

Barbatos_Teacup

Tw: slight panic attacks
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Dazai.... Stupid Dazai....

He always did the worst things, and always left at the worst times. But even so, he always was there when he needed to be.... At least.... Most of the time. For example, whenever Chuuya lost control of his ability, whenever he was too drunk to walk and needed help getting home, even when he couldn't think of an escape plan, Dazai was always there. He was his knight in shining armor, though he'd never openly admit that.

His gut always told him not to get too close to Dazai, deep down he knew Dazai wouldn't be there forever, but he couldn't resist. He finally felt warmth from a person, a sort of light that made him feel better. He just couldn't let go, even if that warmth was just Dazai being there physically. Even though they always teased each-other and ended up fighting, he hung onto that warmth.... That Lifeline... But he always made sure not to get too close. He knew eventually just like everyone else, Dazai would disappear.

So why did it hurt so much when he was gone?

Chuuya sat up weakly, his back pressing firmly against his apartments wall, one knee up with his arm leaning on it, fist clenched around a bottle of alcohol. Many other bottles scattered around the room. He sighed deeply as another wave of sadness washed over him. Dazai was gone. It hurt to admit he cared about that stupid suicidal asshole, But he did. He secretly loved everything about the man, even when he made horrible jokes. Memories from their time together flashed through his head and his face scrunched up. He violently shook his head side to side, attempting to rid himself of the painful feeling of missing the maniac.

Two days prior, Chuuya received the not so subtle news, with his blown up car and a message from the boss, simply stating "Dazai left." He wasn't directly told that the car bombing was Dazai's doing, but he had a hunch. Who else would leave a bomb in HIS car, at the exact time Dazai disappeared? Chuuya was offered a new partner but he never accepted. Nobody would be the same, nobody would be as helpful, nobody would be as fun to be around, nobody could be him. The man Chuuya so secretly longed for. As much as it hurt to say, he'd grown attached to Dazai. He was like a lifeline, he was the only person Chuuya could open up to without judgement, the only person who would listen to him in his times of need, and the only person who cared.

Chuuya rolled the alcohol between his fingertips and he grimaced, tears threatened to fall as he choked back a sob. He mentally had gone through all the possibilities for why Dazai left. Sure the most obvious ones were most likely true, like him simply needing to start a new chapter in his life, or him leaving to find a better life or job. But the worst possibilities still managed to sneak into his mind, what if was because he wasn't a good enough partner? What if it was because of a joke he made that set Dazai off? What if it was simply because he himself wasn't good enough. Sure Dazai was Chuuyas lifeline, but what if that wasn't the same the other way around? What if Dazai discarded Chuuya as another nuisance? What if he didn't care about Chuuya how Chuuya cared about him? All the thoughts flooded his brain as he took another gulp of the tasteless drink he held.

He felt nothing but emptiness. Every time he went somewhere all he could think about was going there with Dazai, whenever he was alone all he could bring himself to do was sit and drink, barely ever eating or taking care of himself. Whenever he was invited out he refused, making some bullshit excuse on why he couldn't go. He put minimum effort in during missions because life felt like it had no purpose anymore. He zoned out when arguing with people instead of yelling back, afraid of more people abandoning him for back talking. At some point it became too much.