Accidental Fate

Chapter 1

There it is. Again. That feeling. As I pass through the streets of Mumbai to reach my work, I contemplate on my life, my decisions and feel that something is lacking. Funny thing is I don't even know what it is that I am missing. All I know is lately I've been feeling more and more like there are fewer people around me I can be myself with. Not that before I had a lot of friends. I have never been that person. I guess when you reach the age of 35 and remain unmarried, you observe that life and the people in it pass by you faster.

But I cannot take full credit for these realizations that have started to come to me. Some credit goes to Mumbai's traffic too. It makes you re-evaluate yourself. I sigh as another realization hits me - that I'm going to be late to work yet again. And frankly I'm bored of giving the same excuse to my boss for being late. I mean at this point I don't think he even reads texts from me that I send between 9:30-10AM. As I think this, a sort of gloom descends on me. I realize that even my own boss knows that nothing in my life would surprise him. And still like all the other things I'd rather not do but still end up doing, I take out my phone and start to send a text to my boss.

"Hi Neil, I'm running late. Should be in office latest by 10:30."

I stare at my screen for a full 2 minutes. As I scroll through all the texts I've sent to Neil in this past month, frustration keeps growing inside me. Because all I'm seeing are similar versions of this text. Every time I mention that I'll be late, I give no reason. I just mention how late I will be. And I know why I don't give any reason. Because there isn't one. I'm just late. I'm not late because my maid was late. I'm not late because I was tending to my kid or that I have a husband who was sick so I had to take him to the doctor. Hell I'm not even late because I was sick. I mean at this point I won't even mind like at least a viral fever just so I have something different to write in this stupid text.

I don't want to send this text. I just don't. I'm not sure what's wrong with me today. Why am I getting so worked up about a text. "It's not because I'm turning 35 next month, is it?" I ask myself. Of course it is. That's what this is. I'm half losing my mind because this is the last month of my early 30s. And still husband-less, kid-less. Sigh. My mom would be so happy that I've finally come around to evaluate my happiness based on whether I'm married and have kids of my own or not. This is sad. I'm just so fed up. I'm so fed up that while I keep telling my mother that a husband won't define my happiness, I'm not exactly in pursuit of something path breaking either. Should I just get married? Wow it's still so early in the day for a personal pity-party and I still haven't sent that damn text to Neil. What am I waiting for? I smile as I think of something.

"Hi Neil, I'm running late. My boyfriend decided to propose to me this morning and we lost track of time. Should be in office latest by 10:30."

My finger hovers over the send button. I shake my head as I realize how childish I'm being. I laugh at my silliness and decide to erase the text and send what I was going to send originally. But just as I am about press delete, my auto rickshaw hits a pothole and I mistakenly hit send. "Shit. No no no no no!", I start to panic. The driver hears me and apologizes thinking my reaction was for his driving.

I'm aghast at what just happened. Did I just send a text to my boss telling him about an imaginary boyfriend who proposed to me? What would I do if Neil asks me about it when I reach office? I mean I don't even know the name of my frigging boyfriend who frigging proposed to me. I'm hyperventilating at this point. Maybe he won't read my message. Maybe he'll ignore it like the rest of my messages. I start to calm down as I think this. I mean yes there's no reason for him to suddenly start reading my messages. I mean he hasn't replied to any of my messages till date so obviously it means he doesn't read them, right? Yeah, that's it, I was worrying about nothing. I close my eyes and try to relax. Just then my mobile vibrates. I check the screen to see what it is. It's a reply from Neil.

"Congratulations on your engagement Vaani!"

My phone slips through my nerveless fingers and hits the steely floor of the rickshaw. I'm so screwed.