Essence
Months Later...
I sat on the couch holding my baby boy in my arms while looking into his big brown eyes. I began smiling to myself as he continually stared back.
I hummed a low melody to him as he slowly began closing his eyelids and fell asleep peacefully. I laid him down in his crib and watched him sleep before answering my phone.
I answered the phone call from Von. Aye ma I'm on my way home. Okayy I'll see you soon . I love you ma, I love you too. Then the phone call ended .
I heard the door knob turn and suddenly seen von walk in with flowers in his hand. My heart dropped because I haven't really seen this romantic side of von in a while.
Awww thank you baby! I jumped into his long arms that wrapped around my back then waist.
Of course ma, I know I've been kind of dry lately but everything's been so new to me, like I'm finally a father and your the mother of my son...it's been real, ya know?
Yeah I understand it's new for me too, I'm still learning how to be a mother, so I know everything's going to take time.
You smell good ma. Von began kissing my lips then neck, I slowly pulled myself away. Thank you I got out the shower an hour ago.
Von began staring at me, and sensed something was wrong. What's wrong ma? Why you acting weird .
Well I don't want to have sex until we're officially married, you gave me this ring but we still haven't been committed to it yet.
We're going to get married ma, I'm going to give you my last name, it's gone be official.
When? I stared at him while he scratched the top of his head. I don't know whenever you want the wedding done, I'll make it happen.
It's not just about the wedding but it's about our commitment to each other I said while getting up to make the baby bottle.
I know ma, Von began analyzing me as I walked in my shorts and tank top, I stared back at him while he bit his bottom lip.
What so I can't get nun now? He furrowed his eyebrows while looking at me lustfully. No, I want our relationship to be more than sex, I want to be celibate until we get married, I stated while looking away from his gaze.
That's fine mama, he said while getting ready to leave the house. Where are you going? I'm going to my brothers house.
Why? I watched as he grabbed his car keys, I need to talk to him right now about some things , I'll see you in a few baby girl. He walked up to me leaving a kiss on my forehead and then walking out the front door.
I began overthinking to myself that he's probably going to get laid by some other girl or something or will probably go to a strip club until I looked at his location and seen him heading right towards his brother house.
God knows I love Von and want to make love but I want higher standards for myself as a woman and soon to be wife.
I want to officially get married to him & be committed to our vows we will soon say. I want our relationship to be built upon love not lust.
I guess this is what I get from listening to all these marriage podcasts. But besides I'm trying to build a closer relationship with God so being celibate til marriage shouldn't be a bad thing, right? I thought to my self as I began brushing my hair in the bathroom mirror.
cel·i·bate
/ˈseləbət/
Celibate
abstaining from marriage and sexual relations, typically for religious reasons.
Or the practice of not having sex.
Example:
"They dated for three years in high school but committed to staying celibate until marriage
