Hell Sweet, Kayla

36

Zayn

Sleep evaded me, though it was no different from my usual late nights in the office or at home in my library. Tonight, however, was different. I couldn't stop thinking about her.

Tossing and turning, I tried to distract myself from thoughts of Kayla. She lay beside me now, peaceful and pure. I felt unworthy of her, with my troubled mind and darker desires.

Most days, I prepare myself for the day she realizes how troubled I am, how I might drive her away with my complexities. I've tried to shield her from my darker side, but tonight I failed. I let my possessiveness and anger take control, and now I fear I've scared her away.

Kayla seems like any other privileged girl, but she's more than that. She's ambitious, seeking something beyond the superficial. She surprised me with her desire to work hard, even as an intern at Wilson House. I saw the determination in her eyes, willing to do whatever it took for her dreams.

But I fear I've crossed a line with her tonight. Seeing her peaceful in sleep, yet knowing I've hurt her, fills me with guilt. She deserves someone better, someone who doesn't struggle with their own demons.

Morning comes too soon, and as I move quietly around the room, I realize she's gone. Panic sets in briefly before I find her preparing to leave. I catch her by surprise, and she startles, reminding me I should have announced myself.

She tries to leave, using the excuse of school duties, but I know she's running from something deeper. From me, perhaps. I don't want her to go, but I also fear pushing her away further with my neediness.

As she stands before me, wrapped in a sheet, I struggle with my conflicting desires. I want her to stay, to understand me, to see beyond my flaws. But I also want to protect her from the darkness that consumes me.

"I'm sorry," I finally manage to say, admitting my fault in hurting her.

Her response is dismissive, brushing off the pain as if it's inconsequential. But I know I've damaged something fragile between us.

"Still, I'm sorry. I went too far," I say softly, regret weighing heavily on my chest. "You're still so young. I should have taken things slower."

I watch her carefully, searching for any sign of how she feels. Does she hate me now? Or does she see past my mistakes, understanding the complexities within me?

The tension lingers between us, unresolved and heavy with unspoken words. I want to reach out to her, to make things right, but I fear I've already pushed her too far away.

As she dresses, picking up her scattered clothes, I feel a pang of longing mixed with guilt. She deserves someone who can give her stability and security, not someone who struggles to control their own desires.

"Stay," I finally say, my voice pleading silently for her to understand. Not just for my sake, but for hers.

But deep down, I fear she'll never stay. And maybe that's what scares me the most.

Her uncertainty lingers in the air, palpable and unsettling. I watch as she struggles to decipher the complexities of my request, the weight of my words sinking in.

"What do you want from me, Zayn?" Her voice is soft, almost a whisper, but filled with a mixture of curiosity and apprehension.

I hesitate, grappling with the turmoil inside me, unsure how to articulate the storm of emotions raging within. "I... I don't always know what I want," I confess, my gaze dropping momentarily before meeting hers again.

She furrows her brow, searching my face for answers. "Then how can I trust you?" There's a hint of fear in her eyes, a vulnerability that pierces through me.

"I don't expect you to trust me," I say quietly, my voice tinged with regret. "Not yet, at least."

Her lips part, as if she wants to say something, but she remains silent, processing my words. I feel the weight of her scrutiny, the unspoken questions hanging between us like a heavy fog.

"I want..." I pause, struggling to find the right words. "I want you to see beyond the surface, beyond the facade I show to the world."

Kayla's expression softens, a glimmer of understanding flickering in her eyes. "You want me to see the real you," she says softly, more a statement than a question.

"Yes," I reply earnestly, relieved that she's beginning to grasp the depth of my turmoil. "But it's complicated."

She nods slowly, digesting my confession. "I can see that," she murmurs, her voice filled with empathy. "And... what about us?"

I take a deep breath, grappling with my own uncertainties. "I don't know," I admit honestly. "I don't know where this will lead."

Her shoulders slump slightly, disappointment shadowing her features. "Then why ask me to stay?" Her voice trembles with emotion, raw and vulnerable.

"Because..." I pause, gathering my thoughts. "Because I want to try. For us."

Her gaze softens, uncertainty giving way to a flicker of hope. "Try what?" she asks, her voice barely above a whisper.

"To figure it out," I reply quietly, meeting her gaze with determination. "To see if we can navigate through... everything."

She looks at me for a long moment, weighing my words carefully. "Okay," she finally says, a small smile tugging at her lips. "Okay, let's try."

Relief washes over me, mingled with gratitude for her willingness to take a chance on me. "Thank you," I whisper, reaching out to gently touch her cheek.

She leans into my touch, her eyes closing briefly. "But..." Her voice trails off, uncertainty creeping back into her tone.

"But what?" I prompt gently, my heart sinking at the hesitation in her voice.

"What if I can't handle it?" she asks, her voice barely above a whisper. "What if I'm not what you need?"

I swallow past the lump in my throat, grappling with my own insecurities. "I don't have all the answers," I admit, my voice rough with emotion. "But I want to find out together."

Her eyes search mine, searching for reassurance. "Can you promise me that?" she whispers, vulnerability shimmering in her gaze.

"I can promise to try," I reply honestly, the weight of my words heavy between us. "To be honest with you, to... to be there."

She nods slowly, a small smile playing at her lips. "Okay," she says softly, her voice filled with tentative hope. "Let's try."

And as the morning light fills the room, casting a warm glow around us, I feel a flicker of hope ignite within me. Maybe, just maybe, we can navigate through the uncertainties together.