And Then A Bit

Chapter 11

CHAPTER XI:

Honestly. Louis doesn't think he's ever been this nervous before a concert before. Not ever. Not the first time, not the biggest crowd, just never. They're all backstage now, getting ready for the show, and Harry's there, is right there, so close – Louis hasn't been so close to him for days and, frankly, he looks terrible, looks every bit as terrible as he did in those pap pictures from his arrival at LAX, and it twists in Louis gut, because fuck, he doesn't want Harry to look terrible. Doesn't want him to look like someone killed his pet, especially doesn't want him looking like that when chances are that Louis is the reason he does. Somehow, no matter what it takes, Louis is going to fix this. Whatever end it gets, whatever means it takes, he's going to find a way to make Harry happy again, even if he has to move himself to Timbuktu. Yes, having a purpose is great.

Harry hasn't acknowledged him at all, not that Louis was really expecting him to, what with him doing everything in his power to not have to spend time with Louis these past few days. It's one of the main reasons he quite thinks he might be about to make the stupidest move of his entire life, but... well, no pain, no gain, isn't that what they say? Not that this is really 'no pain, no gain', or... well, it is, but more like in a 'no risking your heart and massive humiliation, no gain - and even then no guarantee of gain, this might well blow up in your face and turn out to be the worst decision you have ever made in all of your twenty five years of living' kind of way.

Christ. Louis isn't even sure he's going to make it to make it through this sane. The thing is, this is kind of it, isn't it? Either this works and that'll be the best fucking thing in the world, or it doesn't, and that might actually mean the end of seven years of friendship; of seven years with Harry as the most important part of his life. Well, actually, not really that, he doesn't think there's anything that could take that title away from Harry, thinks he'll probably always be the most important part of Louis' life, but it'll definitely be the end of him being anything to Harry.

He doesn't know how they'd be able to salvage anything if this doesn't work, doesn't even think Harry would want to. Like, Louis might be able to write it off as a charade kind of thing, as something done because everybody thinks they're breaking up, so why not, but... well, he isn't sure Harry would even buy it, is pretty sure that no matter what, he's going to give away the fact that he's madly in love with his best friend, the 'wanna spend every single moment from now until the end of the world with you' kind of in love, and he finds that he kind of doesn't mind. It would be pretty mortifying to have Harry know that he's just so, so gone for him, but he finds that now that he's finally admitted it to himself, has finally come clean, well, he doesn't think he could really hide it, even if he wanted to. He's so, so sick of secrets and just not being honest with each other, and no matter how Harry feels, if they ever want any chance to rebuild some sort of relationship, it's probably about time they just come clean about everything.

Now, there are probably better ways of going about this, but... well. Go big or go home, really. Plus, the other boys had been all for the idea, so Louis is sort of counting on the fact that they'd have stopped him if he was about to make the biggest, most humiliating mistake of his life. Right. Doesn't mean he's not nervous though, doesn't mean he isn't fucking terrified, doesn't mean he doesn't feel like throwing up and bolting from the room.

He must be giving off a 'don't come near me' kind of vibe, because they're all leaving him alone, and he's really kind of grateful for it, isn't sure if words or vomit would leave his mouth if someone were to ask him a question, and right now he's really questioning his own sanity. He's sitting on a sofa, thankfully ready to get on stage, appearance wise, head in his hands as he's going through his plan obsessively, absolutely determined not to fuck it up. That'd be awful, just awful, and definitely best avoided.