Perfect Smile | Mason Thames |

Chapter 8: Evil Thoughts

! TW !  : Small mentions of Self Harm and Suicide

April 15, 2021

Tuesday

Narrators Pov:

It had been a couple hours since Jules woke up. She was now downstairs eating breakfast, while watching YouTube on her iPad. Jules woke up that morning at 10 AM, with only 5 hours of sleep. Even though she felt tired and exhausted, she couldn't exactly sleep. She was all sweaty when she woke up and she felt horrible, her back hurting from the position she slept in.

A laugh escaped Jules's mouth as she was watching The Sturniolo Triplets. It had been a while since Jules's last laughed. Sure she laughed last weekend, while she was hanging out with her friends, the only difference is, it wasn't a forced laugh. She was in the comfort in her house and didn't have to keep up the lie of a 'happy life'.

Her brother, Ethan, came home early in the morning around 7 AM. He was now in the living room on the couch, on his phone scrolling through Instagram. Her Mom was in the laundry room, folding clean clothes that just came out the dryer. Ethan had made breakfast for the three of them, eggs, bacon, and pancakes. Jules was the last to eat since she was the last to wake up.

Its funny how one moment your crying, feeling like your world is ending and the next your laughing so hard tears are spilling out. No one would believe Jules if she said how she truly felt because all they see is a happy Jules. Jules made sure to act different around people to insure that no one would see herself the way she sees herself. If you were to ask anyone Jules is close with what she's like, they would say, 'She's the most happiest girl I know', 'She doesn't care what others think or say about her', 'She knows her worth and doesn't let what anyone says about her affect her', 'She is so pretty it hurts', 'I wish I looked like her, She is a goddess!'. There's so many things no one truly knows about her because she hides it very well.

But if you were to ask her how she felt or what she thinks about herself it will always be the opposite of what others say about her. 'I hate being 'happy' because I know its all fake and just an act, I know its not real and if it was I know it wouldn't last', 'I wish I didn't have to hide my real feelings or pretend I don't care, when really I do care, I care what others think of me and say about me, I just wish I didn't', ' I feel and look ugly, and I wish I looked like someone else. I hate my eyes and mouth. I hate the way my hair sits on my head. I wish I had big lips like all the pretty girls have. I wish I was as pretty as Megan fox or Jessica Alba when they were my age.'

Of course she wouldn't actually say it out loud but if she was ready, ready to say all the things she wishes to say or tell the people she cares about how she's feeling, then maybe just maybe she wouldn't feel the way she felt. If... If she was ready.

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Jules was up in her room listening to music. The song 'Sex, Drugs, Etc.' could be heard on high volume coming from her room. She didn't care if her brother or her mom could hear her music, she just wanted to be alone with her thoughts. She hated having to listen to the voice in her head talk. That little voice would always make her think about things she shouldn't be thinking about. That voice makes her overthink everything, That voice makes her want to disappear, that voice was the devil themself. Even though she hates being alone with her thoughts, she couldn't help herself.

Sometimes being alone with evil thoughts is better than talking to people who wouldn't understand.

Jules was laying on her bed just staring at her ceiling. Numerous thoughts going through her mind. All she wanted to do was disappear. Maybe disappearing would solve all her problems, maybe disappearing would make her feel happy. Jules was going through things that no one should have to go through. She was getting worse and worse as the days passed. She was getting thinner. Her mind was getting to a point where she felt as if she didn't need to be here anymore. Her ankle being covered in long, red, unhealed cuts.