Noted from the underground 1

Note from the underground by me

Ive never ever felt this empty before
Everything has changed since i was 15 years old or probably 14
My feeling the way i talk my mindset my clothes my room my hairstyle even my smile
Everybody noticed that especially my mum but did she ever asked my why? Of course not she said im a person full of negativity why would i ever be negative for no reason ? Im not the type to drown anyone's energy for no reason but most of the reasons are that i need time alone and space
I don't define life a happy one neither a sad one i just prefer to remain quiet about the meaning of life itself just to avoid arguments and unnecessary conversations coz honestly peoples opinions no matter important for me
I lik to understand every step in my life by myself just so i can feel a bit excited about waking up the next day with an open eye instead of thinking about faking my own death or killing anyone
Isn't that funny ? How u just kill yourself a hundred time a day by just imagining stupid scenarios that will 100% never happen ? Still, i prefer to be there to be in that illusion to live there to die there too i can imagine my own death too
How can a normal human being which that they will be dead once they close their eyes to sleep? Yeah sure because people make smallest problems  in their life a huge issue.
Probably im exaggerating probably im the problem probably i should be doing something beneficial instead of writing but how can i empty this full exhausted body of mine if not with writing about it ?
Anyone reading this gonna feel relatable
But would you ever be healed ? Probably no , or no never you gonna saved probably but will YOU heal this ? No you won't you will be wishing you were dead every time you look in the mirror facing yourself and you wil say it's a me versus me but also you will tell the YOU in-front of You "i hope you are dead killed and burned " while looking at YOU in the eyes
This YOU person is literally a person with mutual face acts height movements but what about YOU's feelings ? Do they feel like the real me ? When i look at YOU in front of the mirror i feel like I've never seen such as pretty charming person but i also feel a wave of gloom coming from that person they are dangerous I don't want to look at them in the eyes yet i which he could answer all my questions
Can the hear me ? Feel me ? Which they were next to me ? Having their own movements ? Or freedom? Don't kill yourself mr/mrs or whatever you are YOU im looking dead into you you are not alone .