The Rites And Bewitchments Of Bella Swan

Girl Talk

So apparently, I woke up with the severed vampire erection in my bed this morning.

I smile a little every time I think about it.

Okay, so mom wasn't thrilled about it, and yet...she was.

Look, I don't know what to think about her at times. She is my mom, with her, you know, cougar ways and her love of "private matters," you might say. She has does have a penis molding kit, you know. "For special occasions," or so she likes to say. "Because it's so hot in Phoenix," as she originally put it.

I honestly don't think she's even used it.

Funny, now that I think about it, the Max Love ten inch mold was bought at the same Spencer's where I met...and conquered...Chastity.

That place isn't so bad, now that I had a chance to think about it.

Wow, I totally got off topic. This was about the severed erection of the vampire I turned into shimmering dust last night. So, yeah, mom woke me up this morning, having slept in a few extra hours and James-The-Severed-Erection was still hard and curved and cold to the touch, very much still grasped by my right hand.

"So, Bella, I see you made a new friend," she stated as she slowly pulled me from unconsciousness.

"Mom, what are you talking about?"

" Your friend."

"What friend?"

Then I realized James-The-Severed-Erection was still in my hand. Panicked, I shot up in bed, trying really hard to hide it behind under my blanket, as if such an act could erase the discovery she had very much made when I was incapable of knowing it was still out in plain sight.

"Bella..."

"Mom, it's fine, let's just not talk about it."

She smiled. She loved girl talk when it came to boys, or at least boy-shaped implements. Especially big boy-shaped implements.

"What's his name?"

"James," I found myself saying, completely caught off guard. Then I realized she'd tricked me.

"MOM!"

She chuckled, and simply said "I hope James is worthy of my daughter."

I groaned, and fell back in bed. I pushed James-The-Severed-Erection up under my pillows because suddenly I had a new fear – a fear she might want to borrow it. She had Max Love the novelty mold and she had Phil, who was younger than she was and athletic and her needs should've been satisfied and oh my god why am I even letting myself think about this?

"Come on, get up. You've been found out. It's nothing to be ashamed about. It's past time for breakfast. You and James can see each other tonight.

Oh.

My.

God.

MOM!

I pulled one of the pillows over my head, trying to suffocate myself, so this nightmare would end. Fortunately I had stuff to live for and I removed the pillow after she left my bedroom, closed the door, and went to the kitchen.

I threw the blankets off me, and James-The-Severed-Penis went flying with them.

Oops.

I looked over to the night stand, grabbed the amethyst wand, waved it at my bedroom door and closed it softly and locked it extra tight with magick, then turned my hand on James-The-Severed-Penis and it flew into my left hand.

Then I had a thought. A thought my mom only wished she could've thought of.

A magick wand. An apparently immortal, healthy sized, curved, vampire erection. Oh the possibilities, I thought. I smiled. This may take some planning...

A lot of planning, I realized. Let's just keep this simple.

I sat naked on the edge of my bed, placed the amethyst wand and what remained of James, placed them in my night stand and walked into my private bath. Turning the light on, I stared at myself in the mirror. I had to admire myself. I liked my body. I liked...exploring...it. I really liked Chastity exploring it and I loved exploring hers.

My hair was a mess. I needed a shower. Time to start the day, I guess.