if you want some insight into your story from a reader's point of view, I'll help you improve what you might be doing wrong.
I hope I can help you:)
#1 in review 26/09/2023
#4 in reviewshop 29/09/2023
The title seems simple. But the more I read further it makes sense and the description also gives the idea for the title.
Cover: ( 8 / 10 )
It's well-edited and matches up with the theme of the story. The thing I felt was off was the spacing of the author's name. It looked like one word to me. I suggest you add some space after each word so it's more readable.
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Blurb: ( 7 / 10 )
It was intriguing and it made me want to read your book at first. But when I read your book. The blurb felt weak. Your book has so much potential and the description doesn't do it justice. The description is the first impression of the book which decides if the readers are going to read it or not. I suggest you put more about the story like a hook or a suspenseful dialogue.
Prologue: ( 10 / 10 )
It was spectacular, you put all the right moments that make the reader want to turn pages and what happens next. I also liked that you put a character's chapter showing a photo of what they look like and didn't put much other than their names. it is appreciated because more information would be difficult for the reader to remember.
Did you create all those characters in artbreeder by yourself?
Pacing: ( 10 / 10 )
The pacing of the story was sweetly steady. It's just the right speed that I expect from a historical fiction story.
Plot: ( 20 / 20 )
The plot was simple yet intriguing. You portrayed the scenario of historical fiction perfectly with dialogue and subtle details. I find dialogue to be your strong suit. Your writing truly has mesmerized me.
Characters: ( 9 / 10 )
Marcel:
His character-building was on point. He appears to be a determined man and true to his goals. He also seems like a person who cherishes his friendship. I like the bond he and Amar have. He is a well-built character.
Amar:
His character seems like an affectionate friend. He also uses his mother tongue to cuss at Marcel which was hilarious.
Bloom:
Her character seems bold. She gets flustered easily, and her way of speaking reflects her status. She likes to sew more than to dance at the ball.
Other side characters also are fleshed out amazingly. Like Mie, Mr. and Mrs. Ashwood, and Marcel's parents
Grammar: ( 10 / 10 )
I didn't find a single mistake in the chapter I read. It was a really good experience the narrative complement the dialogue.
Engagement: ( 10 / 10 )
It was spectacular, and the way you put the right amount of information to give readers a hint of the character's future actions. It made me guess. it was like you put magnets in your scene that kept pulling me in.
Overall: ( 93 / 100 )
I'm truly honored that you wanted me to review your story. Count me as your devoted reader, I'll stay tuned. I loved your writing it was also a learning experience for me.
