I always felt like I was alone,in this cruel world. Nobody was here for me,all I had was myself,and only myself. My first friend,was also my last. I guess people like friends for the company of it. Some are afraid of the dark. But,I don't fear the dark. I fear what might be in the dark. It's always something I have been fearful of, it was quite a hair lifting thought. Nevertheless, I do have doubts when it comes to certain things. As a child,I always thought, that if I believed in something,then it was true. But I now know,that is just my opinion of a certain thing.
Sometimes I wake up and feel, motivated for the day. But, certain things make me loose such motivation. Even in the mornings. I hate waking up. All I want to do Is sleep. I could sleep my life away,if I didn't have daily duties,that needed to be done. But then again, there's no point in anything. Since,when someone dies,it was all for nothing. Whether a person lives a good life,or a bad life,is up to their decisions. That is why people,should not have regrets afterwards. If a person's desire was truly to do something,they would've done it. Most people only desire what everyone wants.
For example, people tend to think that it is cool to have, branded clothing, rather than normal clothing. I couldn't care less, to me it's just mere clothing. Both, branded and non-branded are made of the same fabric. One is just more money. Not that I have anything against it,but I don't care what I have. At the end of the day, it's something that will fade,or get too small. So there's no point in choosing,nice or bad clothes. I like wearing what I desire to wear.
Nevertheless, people like to judge.
I hate taking photos since, people say my smile is ugly. And, that is a insecurity of mine. If I laugh,or somehow smile. I cover the bottom half of my face,with my hand. Even if I am alone. I guess it is a humiliation fear,or the fear of being judged. And I know well, more than anyone. That I shouldn't let it get to my head. But it is difficult, if a person said it as a joke,or because they thought it wouldn't affect me,they should have rather kept quiet. And I can learn to love myself,but my hate for myself is so strong,I can't even stand to look at myself, in a mirror.
People often like to,make fun of my scars. And say things such as; "is that a barcode?" Or "if you're trying to kill yourself,just do it quick and fast." People like you,make me hate myself more than I already do. It's not funny to make fun of someone elses suffering. Since, people like to judge, without knowing the story. And it takes alot of courage to open up to people. Especially if you got stabbed in the back,by one.
So if you read this, hang in their. I don't know what's happening in your life, but I'm proud, you've made it this far.
