I'm Not Crazy

As the blinding morning light twinkled through the windows of his bedroom, Phil Lester cracked open his tired eyes. He yawned and stretched his arms up with a groan. Phil blindly felt around his bedside table for his glasses and messily put them on. After about ten minutes of dragging himself out of bed, Phil poked his head out into the hallway. The apartment sounded rather empty at the moment, but the loud annoying tick tick tick of Dan's gaming keyboard soon made him think otherwise. Phil shuffled his way to the office and went inside. Dan sat at the computer, still not noticing Phil's presence as he edited a gaming video. Phil leaned on the desk with one hand, "Did you even go to bed last night?" He asked with slight amusement. Dan continued to click and drag clips all over the screen, "Sleep is for the weak.... Plus I promised this video would be up by tonight." Phil rolled his eyes with a small smile. That was so like Dan to promise videos by a certain time. He just couldn't help himself really. He wanted to show his subscribers that he could be punctual...or at least as punctual as he could. "Can you at least take a break? I want to watch British Bake Off." Phil said, leaning down and resting his cheek on his fist. Dan sighed, considering the tempting offer. His deep brown eyes flickered from the computer to Phil, then back again. "Alright fiinnee." Dan said, pushing himself out of the chair. Phil straightened up and did a little dance with his arms, "Yaay! I'll go make some coffee."

Phil flipped on the coffee pot in the kitchen with a smile. He picked out two mugs from the millions to choose from. Of course, he got the Hello Kitty one for Dan, and the Sonic one for himself. Within a few minutes both of the mugs were full of piping hot coffee just how they both liked it. He walked slowly over to the lounge area with both mugs. Dan sat on the couch on his twitter as the beginning of Great British Bake-Off started. All of the sudden the world seemed to crumble as an amazingly powerful headache overcame Phil. It was so sudden and painful that he dropped both of the coffee mugs onto the floor. Dan gasped and ran over to his friend who was now in a ball on the floor holding his head. "Phil?! Phil?! Oh god..." Phil moaned as the pain subsided enough to the point where he could open his eyes again. Dan's worried face was all he could see. Dan wasn't talking to Phil however; he was talking into his phone. Phil wished so much he could hear what his best friend was saying to the 999 operator, but he could only hear a ringing in his ear. The next thing Phil remembers was being driven in an ambulance to the nearest Hospital. Dan sat next to his gurney, holding Phil's hand tightly.

Blinding lights woke Phil again. But this time it wasn't sunlight. This light was the blinding florescent lights of a hospital room. When his eyes adjusted he very slowly let his eyes rake over the empty room. His head still hurt a bit, but it was much more bearable now. His whole body felt stiff and sore. How long had he been out? There was a large mirror on the side of the room, and Phil let his eyes wander to it. He looked absolutely awful. He was much much paler than usual, and he had dark circles under his eyes. Phil guessed it was one of those one-way windows that they put in hospitals sometimes. But why would they use it on him? Was there something wrong? Suddenly thousands of horrible scenarios flooded his brain. What if he had a brain tumor? What if he had some crazy disease? Had any radioactive spiders bitten him recently? Then Dan popped into his mind. He had seen his best friend ride to the Hospital with him. Had he stayed? Was he waiting outside? His thoughts were interrupted when a doctor entered the room very calmly. Phil swallowed, wincing at the dryness of his throat. "Good to see you awake, Philip," The doctor said gently, "I'm Doctor Haines." Phil straightened up a little in the bed, "C...Can I see Dan?" Phil said in a raspy and tired voice. "Before you explain anything he should be in here too." The Doctor smiled slightly, "And who is Dan?" Phil scratched his arm awkwardly, "Dan Howell. He's my best friend. We live together. And we make videos together. His Youtube channel is Danisnotonfire. And mine is AmazingPhil. We also have a gaming channel called DanandPhilGAMES. He drove here in the ambulance last night with me." Doctor Haines pulled up a stool next to Phil's bed, "Phil I'd like to...explain something to you." Phil blinked, slightly confused as to why the Doctor wouldn't let him see Dan, but didn't stop him from talking. "You see... your neighbor called 999 yesterday when she heard you screaming. And she found you in your apartment curled up on the floor. When you came here yesterday morning we immediately got you in for a cat scan to make sure you didn't have a brain tumor. And we didn't find anything that hints at a brain tumor. But you see Philip, we did find...Schizophrenia." Phil felt his heart drop down to his stomach. Schizophrenia?! His breathing increased slightly, "...What..." He said with a little more panic in his voice. "Schizophrenia is a tricky one, Phil. It can make you see and believe things that you think are undoubtedly true. In your case it's rather severe. Three whole Youtube channels and a huge person in your life..." Phil felt tears starting to rim his eyes, "Wh...." The doctor sighed sadly, "Phil... Dan Howell isn't real."

Those words were the ones that made his entire world collapse around him. Dan Howell doesn't exist. He has never had and never will have a best friend named Daniel James Howell. AmazingPhil doesn't exist. Danisnotonfire doesn't exist. DanandPhilGAMES does not exist. Phil had never been to the Brits. He's never interviewed Fall Out Boy or Paramore. He has lived alone in his apartment for years. Phil felt himself curl into himself, tears falling from his eyes freely. "W-What do you mean 'He's not real'? He's my best friend! I-I'm not crazy.."