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three - karim

lilia isles. she's relatively pretty, even if her jaw is a little square and her ass is flatter than a piece of paper. she seems like she could be great fun if she loosened up a bit and stopped hanging out with esther lyons.

ugh, esther lyons. she's such a bitch. we used to be friends, her and i. i still can't believe it sometimes. in year eight we were super close: sleepovers every other week; one of us always round at the other's house; telling each other everything. and i mean everything. esther knows more about me than everyone else i know put together. i'm constantly on edge knowing that she could ruin me at any moment.

she knows that i kissed a boy in year 4, and that i wet the bed until i was 8. she knows that my dad's never home; my mum hates me because she got pregnant in college, and had to quit her career to take care of me; and my younger sister has had a terminal illness for years. she knows how much i love reading, and all my favourite books. she knows that i want to be a vet when i grow up, because my dog died when i was 5. she knows my life in and out up until the age of 13.

and i knew her. at least, i thought i did. turns out, she was nothing like i thought, and told everyone about my home life. in return, i spread a rumour that she was gay (which i felt really guilty about when it turned out to be true but that's in the past) and the rest is history.

(a/n: gotta love when you accidentally out your best friend before she even knows what her sexuality is herself due to miscommunication 😎)

we've hated each other ever since the argument in year eight. i confronted her about telling everyone my home life situation and she had the audacity to act like she had no idea what i was talking about. in return, i denied the accusation that i spread the rumour about her. by the end, we were screaming verbal abuse at each other, each of us close to tears. the last thing i said to her was "i'll be happy if i never see you again" before stalking off.

in hindsight, that wasn't the best way to end the conversation, but i was so mad at the time that i wasn't thinking about what i said. if i could go back in time, i would change just one thing, and that's the rumour that i spread. i may be a dick, but i'm not that bad a person, to out someone before they have the chance to figure themselves out. that's just awful.

the problem is, i've built a reputation around myself. some might even say it's my wall. if i show even the slightest weakness, everything i've worked to achieve will all come crashing down around me. it's just not worth it just to stand up for some girl that used to be my friend.

after school, i decide it's been a while since i've done something properly for me. i pick my favourite coffee/book shop and shoot my mum a quick text, in case she's not passed out in a drunken coma on the sofa and actually starts to worry about me. the fluff facts sits nestled neatly in between a large primark and a tesco express. it's almost a normal café, except it has a little room off to the side that sells second-hand books. it's run by a woman called penelope, who i heard got married over the summer.

i push open the door to the familiar sound of the bell letting everyone know someone's here.

a girl is stood at the front desk, her back to me.

i cough to get her attention.

"um, hi?"

she turns around to face me.

"liliana?!"

"karim."

there's an awkward pause while we both wait for the other to say something.

"can i do something for you?" she asks, stonily.

"do you have a table for one?"

she indicates with her head to follow her. i do.

"so..." i begin, trailing off when i'm not sure how to continue.

it doesn't matter anyway, because we reach the table directly.

"here."

lilia pulls out the chair, forcefully placing the menu on the table.

"oh- um, thanks."

i smile, sitting down in the chair. she nods and walks away, telling me to get her attention when i'm ready to order.

i know what i want already, but i scan the menu anyway, for something to do. after about five minutes i look up. lilia is staring right at me. as soon as we make eye contact she scowls and looks away. i call across the quiet café.

"lilia?"

she slowly turns to look me dead in the eye. it's kind of disturbing, to be honest.

"uh, i'm ready to order," i say apologetically. i hesitate before hastily adding a "please."

she mutters something to the person she's talking to, who laughs and nods. then she heads over.

i order a mocha with whipped cream but no marshmallows. she looks mildly surprised at that so i tell her that i'm vegetarian and can't eat marshmallows. she nods, checking that's it and walks away.

it's ready in under five minutes. i can drink it in about two. i've been coming to this café every time i feel down for the past year and a half, and i know the menu off by heart. everytime i come in here, i order a mocha or hot chocolate with cream but no marshmallows and sometimes i'll also get a slice of carrot cake. then, i make my way into the second hand bookshop of the side and browse for about half an hour. i'll pick a book, curl up in the corner and read it. if it's a thick book, sometimes it'll take me more than one trip to finish it. and i have to be quick, because sometimes they get bought before i'm done. i buy all the ones i enjoy, and donate ones i don't read anymore. about 90% of the books i own come from the fluff facts.

when i finish drinking, i head into the bookshop as per usual. i see penelope stacking book on the shelves and make my way over to say hi.

"penelope, hi!"

she turns around, her face lighting up when she catches sight of me.

"karim! oh, it's so nice to see you," she beams, wrapping me up in her arms.

i relax a little in her embrace, wishing she was my mum, and not the pathetic excuse i have.

all too soon she draws back, not wanting to make it weird. i always wish she wouldn't.

we chat for a while about boring, ordinary stuff like school and work and family. she did get married over the summer, and she starts telling me about her new stepdaughter. when she mentions that she works in the café and asks if i've met her, i freeze.

"lilia?!"

"huh? yeah, that's her name. how do you know her? school?"

i rearrange my facial expression and force a smile.

"yeah, she goes to uriah's now. isn't that crazy?"

"oh, i heard that. is she settling in well? are you two in the same class? how is..."

i nod at all her questions, wrap up the conversation and head off to read, my mind whirling. lilia, related to penelope? does that mean she'll be working here all the time now? ugh, i don't want to have to see her everytime i'm feeling shit.

i scan the bookshelves for one of my comfort reads, but a new one catches my eye. i was born for this, by some author i've never heard of.

"alice oseman?" i wonder aloud, removing the book from its place.

"oh, she's my favourite author!" a voice exclaims from behind me, making me jump.

i spin round to see lilia stood there, books in her arm and the most joyous expression i've ever seen on her face.

"why do you keep appearing?! what is wrong with you?!"

"that my friend is a very open-ended question," she smirks, turning away and leaving me to wonder what on earth my life has become.