Hold Me Close

Part I

I hurl myself through the huge metal dark doors. "Peeta!"

He's back. I still can't believe it. When Haymitch busted into my room, pulled me out of the covers yelling "They're back!" I refused to think. My mind went blank. What he's not the same? What if he's no longer himself?

What if he no longer loves me?

No. I cannot think like that. Of course he loves me. They can't take that away. But then it occurs to me.

They could.

He could hate me.

He hurt me.

No longer want me.

He could want someone else.

He very well could break my heart.

My mind shatters as I think of a world where Peeta's love does not exist. Who could hold me? Surely not Gale. Even worse, what if he realized he didn't love me at all in the first place? He could love Delly Cartwright. She's amazing.

The last thought cracks my heart in two. The thought of him not having the love that we share.

The love that we share.

I love Peeta Mellark.

Not in the way I love Gale, Prim, or my mother. I love him in a way I have not ever loved before.

Because of the passion, the wanting, the need. It was never there for Gale.

Late at night, when I awaken from a nightmare, it's not Gale's arms I want wrapped around me.

Not Gale who I want to make me and Prim laugh across the table during lunch, lightening up this dark place with his own personal sunlight.

Not Gale who can take away the worry. Make me feel safe. Content. At ease, even. It's not Gale's lips I wanted pressed against mine. Never.

Only Peeta.

"Katniss! KATNISS!" Haymitch's voice rings through my head, breaking my trance. I gain focus again, ready to face whatever Capitol mutt Peeta has become.

Off in the corner I see Finnick, my only true friend down in this hellhole, huddled against a small, terrified woman I can only guess is Annie Cresta. He's whispering into her ear as she visibly calms down, then Finnick captures her lips in a kiss. It's as if they have become one being, moving in perfect harmony with each other.

Instantly I am jealous. Nobody could doubt their love.

I look over to another body being wheeled through the hall. Johanna Mason lies on her bed before coughing up a little blood and sitting up. Her hair has been shaven off, and her body is littered with bruises. Her intense gaze lands on me and she asks "Did you think you'd seen the last of me, Brainless?" I shake my head slowly, terrified of what has happened to her.

I turn my head and search around the gray hall. "Haymitch, which way?" I ask strongly, though I can barely contain my giddiness.

"Right down this hall," He says, also not able to hide his excitement. Peeta and I, we've become family to Haymitch. Ever since his games Haymitch shut off the world completely. That is, until Peeta and I entered his life. Even though we annoy each other I really do love him and need him. When something happens, he and Finnick are the first people I run to. He's more of a parent than my mother has ever been to me. He's almost like a father figure. Though nobody could ever replace my father.

I'm running now. I can't handle the not knowing. I need to see Peeta now.

We finally arrive outside his door. I look over to Haymitch, who nods slowly. I reach towards the door knob and turn it.