Professional Restraint

49 Time

Ella

Time does not heal all wounds. That's the biggest lie in life. It hasn't helped when I lost my parents all those years ago, and it isn't helping now.

It's been four days since I broke Liam's heart and I'm no closer to an answer now than I was then. Even with Sophia breaking the news to me, I feel lost.

A huge part of me is relieved to know those pictures weren't criminal, but I still don't understand. It's probably for the best that Sophia took them away. I would have obsessed over them, trying to understand.

The internet has been no help. Googling BDSM might have been the worst idea in my adult life. I have to admit some things looked interesting but other things down right terrifying.

Then there's 'Sir.' How could I have been such a fool? Almost the entire time I've been egging him on without realizing it... I don't know how I can ever face him again.

Days have started to blend together as I spiral down the research rabbit hole. I took a break from the internet and watched the recommended movies. Each one made me cringe more than the last.

Everything I read talks about being in service to a dominant, making women seem so much less... the thought of being undervalued and under appreciated makes me bristle, and yet? Looking back over all the time I spent with him, I never felt either of those things. Quite the contrary.

Liam has always treated me with respect and been a proper gentleman. Never has a man made me feel more desired and cared for than he does.

So what am I afraid of?

My ringing cell draws me out of my inner spiral once more. I look over, fully expecting Liam or Sophia, but pause, seeing Carissa's name on the screen.

I debate answering, but cave. "Hello?"

"Ella! Where have you been? You haven't returned any of my texts." I can hear the pout in her voice, but there's something else I can't quite put my finger on.

"Sorry, I've just had a lot on my plate." It's not technically a lie, but it feels like one. In truth, I've been avoiding her. This whole situation has filled me with nothing but doubts.

Silence stretches, giving me pause.

"So I heard," she murmurs, all lightness leaving her tone.

Of course she knows... she was the one to encourage me to use my magic word, after all. Looking back, I can't help but wonder if I was the butt end of a joke the entire time.

"So you're one of them, then?" I ask, sounding more like an accusation.

"One of them?" she parrots back. "It sounds like a cult."

I pinch the bridge of my nose and sigh. "You know what I mean. A slave."

Carissa lets out a full belly laugh. "Ha! Terrance wishes I was a slave... actually, he'd get bored too easily."

"This isn't a joke," I snap. "I just want people to be honest with me. I'm tired of being the butt end of a joke."

The line goes deathly silent, making me wonder if I've gone too far.

"Is that what you think?" she whisper, hurt lacing her tone. "El, I never meant to make you feel that way, and I promise that's not what we thought at all."

"Then what was with the magic word?"

"Oh..."

She may not have meant it malicious but I can hear her guilt. "Yeah that."