The inside of the store hadn't changed a bit in 15 years. There was the same old taxidermy turkey hanging on the wall and a layer of dust seemed to cover everything inside. As a child the place was intimidating. Or at least for a child like me it was. Returning as an adult I could see how pitiful the place truly was. How it managed to pass a health inspection was beyond me. The only thing intimidating now was the ugliness of the people who owned it.
With the day I was having I fully expected that a run-in with Kayla Longmyer would have been in the fates but apparently God had decided to give me a small reprieve. I didn't recognize the girl behind the counter which was a little surprising even though I had been away for the last 15 years. People may have moved away from Rickshaw to then later return but no one new ever moved there. I guess Mrs. Matthews may have been the exception to that rule but I was sure she was probably the only one.
"Hi. I just need ten in gas," I said with a smile. No point in telling her which pump. There was only two and you could see them both out the window.
The impatience and anxiety felt like 10,000 spiders creeping up my spine. Each punch of the register felt obnoxiously slow although I knew it was probably just my brain being exaggerate. No matter that thought, I couldn't be rude so I attempted to maintain my smile and not look like I was going to spontaneously combust. The quicker I could leave this place the better but the likelihood of me having to come back inside was high now that I was back. A thought I would put off for another day.
"You from around here?" The girl finally asked popping her gum against her slightly crooked front teeth. I took a better look at her. Her features seemed familiar. Now that I took a closer look I realized she was probably younger than I thought. She wore a ton of makeup and her hair was an unnatural bright red. Something else that wouldn't have been typical in Rickshaw with all it's classic southern traditions and standards.
"Oh," I said realizing she had asked me a question I really didn't want to answer just yet. I knew if I told her who I was it would be out before I even reached my destination. "No. I'm just passing through." I knew lying probably wouldn't save me for very long but I was hoping this girl would just lose interest.
I tossed her a quick wave before exiting through the way I came. The Welcoming Committee didn't say a word as I passed. Just stared with contempt as I practically hurled myself off the front porch and made it back into my car where Olivia was already done pumping gas and arguing with Garrett and Beth over something trivial I was sure.
I reached for the handle, relief immediately filling me that I had somehow escaped the turmoil of Longmyers and the dreadful memories I had there growing up.
"Lilly Carson?"
The voice seemed to hit me in the back. I stood up straight immediately back on the defensive. So much for an easy exit. I fought against the urge to yank the door open and drive away. Something I would have done...probably should have done. Instead, I took a deep breath and turned around finally taking notice of the F250 that had pulled up.
You got this Lilibeth Olivia Carson. You can't be a fragile kitten your whole life. Your kids are watching. Be strong. Face it.
I wasn't sure how long my inner pep talk had lasted but I prayed it wasn't long enough to make it awkward. I turned around and stared into familiar blue eyes although these ones had never looked at me with anything but softness.
"Jaxson Matthews," I said with a genuine smile. Although the eyes were the same and his aura still radiated the same kindness he had always showed me growing up, this Jaxson Matthews wasn't the same one I left. No this Jaxson had a mountain man beard and the body to go with it. Holy hell his wife must be lucky.
"God it's been...."
"Fifteen years," I answered.
"Yeah. Fifteen years. Who would have thought I'd find you fifteen years later in the same spot you left us?"
Well hell. And cue the awkwardness....Jaxson was never one to beat around the bush though. An apparent trait that he never grew out of no matter how socially acceptable. Shit.
"Jaxson...I..."
"Good to see you Lilly," he said before dismissing me entirely and stepping up onto the porch. Of course I stood there not knowing what to do or how to respond. While I had known returning to Rickshaw meant encountering those I had once left behind for some reason I didn't think Jaxson would be one of them. Hell, I thought he would have been long gone too. We had talked about it enough as teens.
I felt tears bubble at my eyes. My hasty departure from Rickshaw wasn't planned nor thought out very well. It was simply driven by an urgent need to escape the reality of my upbringing. A decision made out of sheer desperation and fear of turning into my parents. I hadn't looked back or stopped to think about anyone I was leaving behind mainly because I didn't have many that I thought would miss my presence. Jaxson Matthews was probably my only regret.
I glanced back at the front porch. Of course the Welcoming Committee stood watching mouths agape. They may have not been able to place me before but Jaxson had certainly outed me. My secret arrival wouldn't be a secret for much longer. In fact, if Rickshaw was the same as I had left it then I had no doubt the news of my presence would be common knowledge in every household before lunch.
Another Carson coming home to wreak havoc. It wouldn't matter that I had never really wreaked havoc in my life. I had learned in this town it didn't matter how quiet and well mannered or helpful I had acted. I would always be the daughter of Brian and Kathleen Carson, both too drunk or stoned to raise any child of worth.
