Unsaid

"Run, run, run, just escape from this world," my mind kept saying while my heart kept beating faster and faster each second. I've never felt more alive and free. It's like I'm able to run away from all the guilt, grief, and sadness of my life but I know that this feeling won't last for long. Taking the familiar road to my house, I walk to my room careful not to wake anyone up. Pretty sure, no parent would want to see their sixteen-year-old daughter sneak into her room at 03.00 am. Resuming my favorite Spotify playlist, I sit down on the balcony and gaze at the starlit sky. It's been seven months now. Every day, I run to clear my head, find my way back, gaze at the stars, and wonder if she knows I miss her. Oh, how I wish I could rewind my life and change what happened. At 07.00 am, I realized I was lucky enough to get at least two hours of sleep. They say, "People sleep to forget their problems for some time," but what if one is not able to sleep because of the problems? How do they cope with those problems? 

I walk downstairs to find my mother making waffles. "Sleep well?" she asks immediately after she notices my presence. I nod my head. A part of me thinks she knows what I'm going through and chooses to not keep asking me. Honestly, I appreciate that. I prefer to pretend rather than let out all my inconveniences and sorrows to people. All people want to do is act like they know how it feels and show sympathy but all I want is someone who patiently listens. Finding a person like that is hard. Even therapists want to give opinions on my situation. I just wish I could shout, "No, you don't understand how it feels. No one can, because, no one is me."

I look over to see my dad and my sister, Phoebe, a fully extroverted girl arguing. "Dad, I'm fourteen. I want to go to the party. All my friends are going," she said. "Exactly, you're just fourteen," my dad argues. "But what if your favorite daughter comes along with me?" she says, looking towards me with her puppy-dog eyes. Ugh, she knows they are my weakness. "Will you go with her Daise?" my dad asks. "Alright, I'll go," I say with a sigh. "I love youuu," she shouts and hugs me. I shake my head at her excitement. I hate parties. Don't get me wrong, sure, vibing and meeting new people is fun, but when you don't have that one person who you used to have fun with, parties just suck. Grabbing my coffee, along with Phoebe, I walk to my school. It's not entirely bad because of a few friends.

Phoebe immediately ran to her friends who looked like they were about to tell some hot gossip. I put on my headphones and started walking toward my locker. After my classes, I was asked to meet the counselor, Mrs. Woods. She is an elderly woman and one of the people who genuinely care about me. I walk into her office and take a seat. "Daisy, I know you want to keep your mind off a few things but hiding and avoiding isn't gonna help. You've given up football for a reason but I know how much you miss being on the field. Selections start tomorrow, I hope you try out," she said. All I could do was simply nod my head and walk out of her cabin. "What happened?" Phoebe asked with concern. I told her and all she said was, "Mrs. Woods is right. I think you should try it. She would want you to." 

I knew Phoebe was right but deep down, playing football without her, my heart couldn't handle it. My best friend was no more. The one I did and shared everything with was no more. We both started playing football when we were only six. I miss her. I hope she looks down at me when I try out for the football team tomorrow. While having dinner, I told my family about my decision. "We're proud of you, Daise," my father said. My mom didn't say anything. She just walked towards me and hugged me. I knew everyone missed her. She was like a daughter to my parents and a sister to Phoebe. 

Entering the field, I was thrilled but my eyes kept searching for her. It's not funny how sometimes we can never seem to accept that our loved ones don't exist anymore. The selections were for both, boys and girls. Most of the boys who tried out were extraordinary. It would be a tough task for the coach to select. As I walked closer to the coach to give my name, he immediately recognized me and said, "Daisy, are you here for the selections?" I nod my head. "You're one of the school's finest players, you don't have to go through this goddamn procedure. You are selected," he said. I shook my head and said politely, "Sir, I respect you but it's been seven months since I've played and everyone here deserves to prove themselves. I don't want a girl to be deprived of the chance of being a part of the team." "This is what I love about you. Good luck!" he said and I walked away.