Us for you

Words seem dull

She was beautiful, using this word seem dull to when i describe her, but there are not enough words within the english language that can describe her, nor within any other laguages.
As i stare into my bathroom mirror its hard not to think about her, i look at my cheek and remember her finger tips grazing them, when i look at my neck i remember her plushed lips pressed against me. Everything that was once only for my eyes and my mind suddenly and willingly belongs to her. Its hers, my body, my thoughts, the pores on my skin can be hers if she had just asked. I sigh heavily and ruffle my hair with my hand. i take a moment to look at my hand, how long and boney my fingers are, makes me cringe. I focus on grabbing the toothbrush and not delaying my morning any further.
leaving the bathroom i trodge my way over to the closet, pulling slowly at the doors, maybe if i take longer here i wont have to be in work for so long? No. No, now that is quite ridicolous.
I grab haphazardly at some trousers and a shirt. Tugging my trousers up quickly causing me to trip slightly. then moving to dangle my shirt over my shoulders, i decide to make my way into the kitchen. The toaster sits at the kitchen counter staring at me. Honestly i know full well that i will be eating toast, afterall i have been for the past five years, probably longer if i really think about it. I enjoy order, and being repetitive. Which doesnt really come with the job of being a paediatrtion. I shrug and grab some bread from the packet thats burried between the counter and pantry then i shove it into the toaster and set the timer.

When i look at my watch i have only eaten one piece of toast before having to toss my body around to find my car keys and bolt out of the front door, i snag the piece of toast after retrieving my keys and decide that i can eat as i drive. We have all done it.

I pull up to the surgery, a large building with pristine white walls on the outside but once you walk in the walls are bright and fun, its as if the colours pop out to grab you and punch you repetively. I should get to my office fast. Once coming in and greeting the receptionist i head to my office 'dr riverra' it read at the door tag and i cant help but smile slightly and closing my eyes.
"so, riverra" the words were sung with her honey voice "is that spanish?"
i had stared at her, knowing full well that my face had most likely shown plain shock "how?" She stared at me for a moment then down at my chest pointedly, i fumbled my hands and gasped when i felt my name tag that i had left on.
"yes, my mum was spanish and my dad was french" i mutter softly as i investigate the badge as if it was it's own fault for staying on and not just disapearing when i had left the building
"My mums british but my dads french too" she hopped up on her heels slightly and it had caught my attention which next brought my eyes to look up at her, she was tanned and had the most stunning of blue eyes, plump pink lips and beautiful long brown hair, she was... breathtaking.
"Riverra?" she waved to snap me out of my daze.

"Riverra!" i hear the snap of fingers at my ear, and my head turns swiftly to find the rude person who had done it only to see it was my manager
"miss gene, i apoligise it seems i had lost my focus" somehow i had made it to my chair and had sat at my desk before even realising she had entered the office, i continue "is there a problem, ma'am"
she nodded her head in a quick pace, it was so early for a rant but she wouldnt recognise that "there is infact a problem! when i walked past the waiting room there was no one there"
i shrugged
"A slow day"
she scoffed.
"A slow day? please! There has never been a slow day here since the opening!" she belted, as if i was the reason for it.
"perhaps its the snow, people dont like to travel in the snow" an email appears on my computer, i sigh and travel the mouse to see what may be happening, and i feel as if god has just blessed me
"ah! well isnt that a fix to both our problems" i whip my head to hers in excitement
"it seems i have a patient coming in now, you'll have to leave so i can treat them" I nodded and ushered her out of my office as nicely as i could.

I sat back in my chair once she had left taking in the quiet moment that i could cherish. I look out the window admiring the snow fall, she said she liked snow, just before i could go back into my trance i hear a gentle tap against the wooden door, any softer and i would have thought a mouse ran into it.
"you can come in" I call with a cheery work tone that i had practiced over the many years of working as a pediatrician. I hear the handle click and door open but i dont glance to the person as i rummage through my documents
"hello i am doctor-" and in unison to my words do i hear the soft glazed tone "riverra" my eyes zip up immediately, she had always had a gravitational pull on my attention, she was just as beautiful as the day she walked out. I stared for only a moment until i noticed the pram held between her hands.

she had moved the pram out slightly and sat down in the chair besides my desk
"how're you riverra?" she always insisted on calling me riverra, for the entire month we dated, even after i had insisted on her calling me matías she insisted that riverra was too beautiful, i thought one day she'd want it as her own, how silly.

I had been looking directly at my desk for awhile now, it was tense, so much so that the child within the pram must have notcied since one moment the tense air had become concern due to the wailing it caused, she looked slightly shocked then lifted the baby fron the pram, he was wearing a blue fluffy onsie and looked so tiny that it was loose on him "hes premature?" she looked towards me still trying to comfort, who i assume was her son, she took a moment then nodded "yes, came out almost two months early, he has hearing complications due to this" she looked a bit worried.
I turned my head towards the computer screen once more, i couldnt look at that upset expression any longer, i pulled up the boys documents, hugo monet, born two months early and suffering from partial hearing loss in left ear, hearing aid approval on waiting. i sighed looking at the screen, it was a bad habit of mine to sigh out loud since i knew it could cause stress to a parent, but she said nothing. She most likely remebered.
"This is just a check up?"
she hummed in approval, she sounded so tired, she looked so tired. She could never be more beautiful.
"may i check his temperature?"
she hummed once more, and faced him towards me, he had calmed down a fair amount from crying, he had green eyes and brown skin. He had a small rash around his right cheek and chapped lips but otherwise i saw no physical problems i explained to her why he dealt with the rash and dry lips, she nodded listening intently.

She was looking into my eyesp. I had to snap out of my daze and focus on the boy "ill have to check his heart rate" she seemed concerend "the last doctor said his heart was fine" i nodded in response and gave a smile to put her mind at ease "its just procedure, since im his permanent doctor now until his hearing aids arrive and are fitted i want to be the best doctor i can be" she sighed, her thick eyebrows furrowing momentarily before she nodded. Giving consent for me to hear the babys heart beat. I leant down and placed the head of my stephoscope to the infants chest, only to feel his hands tug at my curls, it wasnt hard, more of a curious grasp. I looked up at him and chuckled looping my finger between his chubby fingers and my hair, causing him to grasp onto it.
"I like my hair where it is thank you very much" i chuckled to him, eyes glancing to his mother momentarily. I should just ask. It wouldnt be wrong. After all im his doctor now i have a right to know.

"so will the father be making visits to the appointments"
she looks terrified, like i had asked her to jump off of a moving truck just before going under a tunnel. She merely shook her head and looked down at our hands. Right our hands! i moved my finger away from the small chubby fingers which had recieved me a gurgle of sorts before his attention focused back to his mother. She was a mother. When?.

i checked the files again. 7 months she would have been pregnant, or at least towards the end of the seventh month, a sigh escaped my lips again, yet this time not exactly by mistake.
"Riverra, why are you sighing, are you unhappy?"
i look at her, in her deep crimson dress, she had lost the cardigan
"no, darling i am exstatic"
she looks pleased by this, as she walked closer to me, bringing her lips to my collar bones and causing the rest of my body that had been yet untouched by her to ache.
"so hes okay" i look back at her, thinking back to those moments, only eight months ago was she in my bed and had her legs twisted around mine
"hes fine" i confirm with a duller tone.