"Tell me something about you."
"I'm not good at being a good person."
"What do you mean?"
"I meant exactly what I said."
"Ok, and why do you think that?"
"I don't think that, I know that. I am sure of that."
"So, you're a bad person."
"I don't know if I'm a bad person. I mean, I don't do violence, I don't cheat, I don't disrespect people. I don't really do bad things."
"Then how come you're not good at being good?"
"I'm not good at it, because I feel bad about it."
"You feel bad about being good? Why?"
"Because I don't do it selflessly. I don't do it solely out of the goodness of my heart and soul, or whatever."
"Then why do you do it?"
"Karma. Or whatever you wanna call it."
"Karma?"
"It's like, if I do bad things, then I should expect bad things to happen to me. If I act badly, the universe or God or whatever or whoever, will punish me. So, I avoid doing bad things, to avoid punishment. And I do good deeds to be rewarded. I believe it's only fair."
"Ok, but the thing is, doing good expecting something in return is not really being good from most points of view, that's being selfish and self-interested. And those are not really good things."
"Exactly! Now you see what I mean."
"Kinda yeah. And how is it working out for you?"
"It's not really working. I actually feel like I'm at my breaking point, but I'm still here, I'm still trying, still hoping. Maybe being good doesn't pay off, maybe it just gets me frustrated. Or maybe I'm just not being good enough. But it's so easy to be bad enough, that sometimes I just feel like, fuck it, I'll just do whatever I want to do, I'll just be bad and feel good about it."
"And do you think you can do that?"
"I know I can't. Because I'm too afraid of being punished. But most of all, I'm still hoping for good things to finally happen to me. So, I'll just selfishly and guiltily keep being good."
