I'm losing hope.. [A vent book]

I wish i never loved..

I've had past relationships ending in heart breaks.. so not as bad as most. Yet if it's your best friends, I'd say its worse..

Look, I've tested 1 person, 2 people, 3 people even 4-5 people relationships. I'm never able to keep them because im a person who people call cupioromantic/Cupiosexuals. I basically can't date or be in a relationship yet i desire one. And i'm pretty sure that why most people hate me.

I'm the Aroace campus crush, I'm the "emotionless" love. I'm the teenage dirtbag that everyone thinks they love.

Tbh i still love 2 or 1 people.. but I'll never be able to be in a relationship that makes us happy because i physically and mentally can't love anyone.. i have a desire but i just can't.

Yk my Realtionship with S didn't end well because they didn't knlw if they would feel comfortable dating a "girl" mind you i was trans ftm at the time. S still had a crush on their ex everyone knew but no one told me till they broke up with me. I WAS FOOLED BECAUSE THIS PERSON DATED ME AGAIN OUT OF GUILT. Our relationship most of the time was forced on others... i loved them.. but, they used me.

A i really did like but i wasn't ready to date them when we did.. i feel as if we had waited it could've worked out better...

I love them now but they don't really trust me at the momment...  yk i wish there was a rewind button. I miss their voice, smile, laugh, face. They're gone and I'll never see them again...

291 words A/N; if anyone knows who I'm talking about, please don't bother them about this..