Letters to My parents

The Third One - The context

Dear Dad, 

I just wanted to let you know I'm doing okay. I miss you every day and I think about you everyday. I miss having you as my best friend more than anything to be honest. God I wish I could hear your reactions to some of the things I've done recently. Anna and I got matching tattoos lol and don't worry I'm getting one for you and grandma soon too. I know you would get jealous if I didn't. 

The first 15 months felt awful after you left like I was watching someone else's life. When I would have brief moments of clarity it literally would feel like I was gasping for air because I had been under water for so long ( this isn't even a metaphor because I know you hate anything creative it's honestly just what happened.) I promise though my first sentence isn't a lie. I am doing okay honestly I'm doing really well and it's all to the people in these pictures (it's just a few of the many and I know there will be more to come) I think you'd really like them — the people and me looking stupid in the photos — they're kind of growing into an extended family. I honestly have so many people who I care about and for some strange reason care about me. I'd be lying to say I fully get it or make it easy on them but I'm really glad they do and I honestly have a lot of love in my life I know that's what you would want. And just so you know I promise I know how much you loved me I see it in old videos and now that our relationship is beyond earthly limits I want you to know I can see things a lot more clearly and I promise dad I loved you that much too I still do.

Anyways, to the point of this this is not a holy crap dad I've grieved you and it's done . This is a I miss talking to you and want to turn my old cringey writing account into something meaningful. So I will be using this as my diary to you to update you and to talk to you. I want you to be there for my next steps and I think this is a way I can do that so until next time.

I love you dad.

Best,
Bouta