A Book Of Poems

I'm back to making poems

*What goes through my head when I smile*

When I'm silent, I feel painfully visible
The pain never really goes away.
The sad thing for me is no one cares
When I need them most.
My depression and loneliness
Lingers and rips me apart,
Every battle I fight always
Reminds me no one is fighting
For me and I do things alone
Dying without being noticed and
Will die everytime with no notice.
Every tear I shed I know doesn't
Matter when I sufocate screaming
For help that's not there.
My desperate cries in my eyes begging
To break and know I never will.
My lingering sadness and hate pulls
On my arm wanting in when I'm already
Broken enough.
When will simeone save me
From me, when will I give up,
When will I finally jump and no one
Shows thinking I was fine when I was dead
From from the start.
Why did I fake it,
Why did I smile,
Why did I help you when you ended me,
I lived for youqhen all I got from you
Is pain.
When will I stop being a burden to you,
Why will I keep trying for you,
Why love for you when instead you
Buried me six feet deep.
Why do I dance in the rain,
Why do I love the rain,
Why do I why do I feel like I'm more
Understood by the gloomy rainy waether
When theres no one there,
I simply love the rain because its there
When your not and washes my tears
And drums to the beat of my sadness
I keep deeply to myself and somethung ill always deeply keep
Hidden from you and keep
From you until my very end.

*Thank you*

Thank you mother for breaking me,
Thank you for usong me,
Thank you for hurting me,
Thank you for burrying me,
Thank you for my scars,
Thank you for the broken heart,
Thank you for leaving me behind,
Thank youfor letting me die,
Thank you for giving up on me,
Thank you for faking your love for me,
Thank you for letting me down,
Thank you mother for everything
You did to me I'm glad you loved
Seeing me broken and I'm glad you seen
Me as trash to throw away thank you mother...

*I never stop loving you*

Did I really love you for no reason?
Did I love you at all? Yea I loved you more
Than anyone can ever describe and what
Hurts is I'll always love you no matter how
Much you thrwo me away.
No matter how much I know it hurts I can
Never truly stop loving you.
Does it hurt? Yes it always does but do I
Stop you from doing so?
No I never do.
I know it'll break me eventually
The longer I love you and I can't help
But laugh at all the pain and heartbreak
I feel... it feels so good thank you mother
For doing this to me.

*Love the pain*

Why does feeling broken feel
So good.
Why am I addicted to this pain
Like it's a drug.
And I crave this pain like
I crave my own heart to break.
I love my pain it feels so lonely I still
Love your painfull love even if its fake.
I still want you to hurt me no matter
How much it hurts
It feels so good I'm addicted to
My pain it makes me laugh at how
Much I sound insane.
Please hurt me some more maybe
I'll catch your attention this tine.
Break me down some more please
push me over the edge it feels so good
please, please just notice me.

*Judgemental*

All the eyes that stare,
All the whispers and little laughs
Heard in the air,
Walking through the hallways
Feeling low and pushed down.
Drowning in thoughts of
Sorrowful pain,
Going under, unser, under until
I'm blind by the eyes filled with pity.

*Nothing he became*

Among the careless,
Among the emotionless,
Among the silence,
Another one dies and another
One is born amongst the flies
Something is waiting there
Looking for an answer that will
Never be given. Amongst the the home
Of the flies there lays a lonsome tree
Who used to be filled with life and now lays
There lifeless and forgotten after waiting for so long for her to return to him for her to bring
Him back to life but now is lifeless and still waits, will still hope, when nothing is ever
Coming back to him as he lays there
Continuosly dying feeling so much pain
So unbearable. please come back to me the tree
Begs but gets no answer in return until eventually he is complete ash and dust buried
In the dirt of sorrow and pain still forgotten as years go by those golden ashes rot away into nothing and nothing he became.

*What I think of death*

Looking for a way out,
There's no light.
Trying to breath but
There's no air coming
Through.
Reaching out for someone
That's not there.
But I stull feel a pressence
That is not mine.
It's so cold but yet
It is so warm.
His touch is so familiar.
He's so warm I fall onto
A cloud so soft I
Fall asleep.

*Thinking to myself*

My self-esteem is low
So far down you can't reach it.
My love is so large it looks like
You might burst, tis' so bright you
Go blind in sight.
All my kindness I share with you,
You just throw it back thinking
That your not enough when you are
To me.
All these bright lights try to
Get in but my dying soul cannot
See nor hear not even touch those
Beautiful lights I so wish to see.
Where have I gone? And where have I been?
You say I do not know I haven't been the same,
That I know.
Where has the child gone thee, why is it
You have dissappeared? he had asked but I do not have an answer for I am thinking the same of myself.
Oh sweet child why have you gone astray and melt like all the other ice I see?
Why do you keep running away from what is true and never false? He asked.
Lord I don't know or might I say I can Never say to you my lord I am to ashamed to be in
Your presence, I am to deep into the sea to be with you my lord.

*Red*

Red could never be dead,
Blood runs over my head,
Red rover jumps over the hedge,
Red is what we pledge,
Red could never be said,
I am the color Red and this is what I said :
Red is never dead,
All this blood covers my head,
Red is my Ted tied to my bed,
I am Red I pledge to my red.