Nick Sturniolo imagines

the nick we love.

TW: depression crying comfort (if I missed anything that could trigger anyone please let me know)

nick Pov

I was filming with my brothers and were talking about our red flags.

"Nick will say 'there's no solution" and then continue to bitch from an hour and a half" Chris says.

" Well, I don't like to keep my emotions inside, so I express them though words" I say like its common since

"But nick you don't understand no one cares" matt says and Chris areas "ok then next one" I say switching the subject.

we finish filming I kind of stopped talking as much during the video because I don't want to annoy anyone.

after what matt said in that video, I started to become more closed off with everyone, I used to tell everyone everything on my mind. 

now I only say things that are about the conversation at hand, like with my boyfriend I used to talk his ear off

now I just listen to what he has to say and when he asks about me, I say the bare minimum. 

I also started getting less touchy because I think everyone probably thinks that's annoying too like on movie night.

I would probably sit next to Madi or Max and rest my head on their shoulder or something but now I sit the farthest away I can.

but more recently I have been getting even worse like barely talking at all the most I talk is in videos. 

——————————————————
January 14th 

now were going on tour and it scares me, we are all in the back of the bus I'm pretty close to everyone but still far from the distance that I would be a few months ago.

as there all talking, I start thinking of everything on my mind and I start going down a rabbit hole thinking of how annoying I used to be.

I was thinking so much I didn't realize a tear slipped from my eye.

"Nicks are you ok" Max asks sitting next to me and hugging me I immediately stand up and leave the room.

I go and sit in the front of the bus in the corer I start playing music not even ten seconds later someone pulls my headphones off

"Love are you ok?" Max asks me I squeeze my eyes shut as a tear slips out my eye.

I shake my head crying into my hands "hey its ok I here" he whispers hugging me tight, I dig my face into his neck we stay for a few minutes as I calm down.

"Nick?" Max voice cracks "what's been going on lately you don't talk at all anymore you stopped being touchy with everyone we're worried about you" Max says in a soft tone.

I take a deep breath "you want the quick version or the long version" I ask secretly hoping for the first one.

"I want the long version; I need to know what's wrong" he says playing with my hair.

"Ok it started with the 'exposing each other's red flags" video and matt said no one cares about my opinion I know he was joking but-" I stopped myself taking a deep breath and continuing.

"But I stuck with me so I started being mor closed off and then at night I would be thinking, and I thought how you guys also probably hate when I'm touchy" I pause trying not to sob.

"And it's becoming more and more hard to be happy because all I can ever think about is how if I vocalize that I probably annoying everyone, and you probably think I am annoying right now so you can go and forget we even talked-" I get cut off by and different voice.