Unexpected

Chapter 30

JOANNA

Getting to my car is a struggle. My muscles are heavy with a dull, throbbing pain. I can feel the weight of Gabe's gaze on me the whole time, but I don't dare to look back. If there's something I've learned lately, it's that having a sense of self-worth is invaluable. I could've accepted his apology and stayed with him until he waits for the DNA results. But then what?

Building a family is my dream. Having to witness him becoming a father to someone else's child would have destroyed me. And I'm already shattered as it is.

What hurts the most is that I really believe he loves me. I really think he'd do anything to go back in time and do things differently.

But he can't.

For some fucked up reason, he's okay to support this woman until whenever she's ready to do the paternity test.

Well, I love myself enough to know I deserve more than this shit.

Maria is leaning against my car, waiting for me. When our eyes meet, she gives me a reassuring smile. I'm unable to hold my tears inside. God, what would I do without this girl?

Pulling me into a hug, she holds me tight until my last tear is dry. I'm grateful for her silent support. There's nothing she can say right now. It is what it is.

As I look around one last time, the bright yellow paint of Ed's place stands out against the blueness of the sky, drawing my eyes to it. Seeing his house transports me back to me and Gabe having such a wonderful time together. Without even knowing it, Ed gave me a memory that I will always cherish.

I said my goodbyes to him earlier, but I can still remember the lump in my throat as I left his place. He could sense something was up, but was too polite to ask. I don't need him catching a glimpse of me in my current state. He would probably be worried, and the last thing I want is to disturb his peace.

"Are you ready to go?" I hear Maria say.

"I am." I bring my eyes to her and she nods.

"So, let's get out of here."

*****

After reassuring Maria for the hundredth time that I'd be fine, she finally went back home. We arrived at my place a couple of hours ago and she made me go straight to the bathroom to shower while she ordered something for us to eat.

She was probably afraid I was going to fall into a depressive state. I confess all I wanted to do was hide under my covers, but I feel much better after a hot shower and food in my stomach.

It's still early, so I force myself to open my computer and work a little.

For the next couple of hours, I spend my time replying to emails, paying some bills, and working on the manuscripts I'm editing.

My phone beeps at eight with an income text, and my heart stops for a second, thinking it's Gabe. Reaching out for it on the couch, I see it's from my dad, inviting me for lunch whenever I'm free. I quickly text him back, saying I'll call him with a date soon. Guess I can't keep ignoring him forever.

Returning to my computer, I see a folder of the songs Gabe and I were writing. Unable to resist, I double-click the little icon and sigh at all the notes we took together.

For me, it looks like a bunch of unfinished drafts, but Gabe assured me he could work around all of them. I read them all anyway, and a flood of memories invades my mind.

There are also some videos we recorded together. Him singing. We playfully arguing over word choices. Him getting me to come up with a book scene for every random topic he made up. We simply laughing and joking around.