That Evening I Will Not Forget.

(story 2 )i love you...

⚠️TW THERE IS MENTION OF SUICIDE AND
CUTTING. YOU CAN LEAVE OR SKIP OVER IT. I WILL PUT THIS "‼️" BEFORE AND AFTER THE PARTS.⚠️

" I'm sorry I'm sorry.." i say while pacing around my crushes room. He stares at me blankly; like i had just told him the world would end tomorrow. I just told him i liked him the least he could do is give me an answer, but all he does is just stare at me. "can you at least give me an answer instead of staring at me ?!?" I shout. All he does is stare. he doesn't flinch at the loud noise, he doesn't talk, he doesn't move, and it looks like he's not breathing. "If your not going to answer me then i'm going to leave." i say sternly. His blank stare pierces me as i turn. He quickly grabbed my arm and looked into my eyes that are filled with confusion and hatred. Be then opened his mouth just to shut it after. i scoffed, and turned around again, but for the first time that day i had heard him respond back, " i like you too, but not like that ." and for a moment i paused. I was shocked. Did i hear that right ? He likes me but not like that ? what does that mean ? Before i could ask him what he meant he had walked away.

I haven't heard from him in days i wonder if he's ok. I was talking with my friend earlier today about him. she was confused why i like him, she asked again a few minutes ago, so here i am writing out in note why i like this boy.

I title it in bold letters. Then name it:

WHY I LIKE HIM

some people might say love is overrated or useless in life if you have a goal to achieve; but this boy makes all my dreams go away and makes me want to have new ones of us together; he gives me butterflies in my stomach; sometimes the bad kind. his laugh makes me smile more and sometimes makes me laugh; he has the prettiest laugh; his laugh is truly genuine and beautiful. his smile is beautiful; i couldn't stop looking at it even if i tried, his smile is so bright and happy when you do see it. he is genuinely caring and if something happens he checks up. we have the same favourite songs and we suggest songs for each other. he is so nice to me and plays game pigeon games with me😍.. or he used too. ever since i told him i like him my life has been bland and lame without his laugh his smile and his voice, sometimes i wish i could go back in time and warn myself not to tell him anything. i want things to go back to the way they were. when we were laughing about nothing and everything. the fact we don't talk anymore still shakes me and genuinely makes me so upset . idk why i told him. i really wish i didn't. but i can't turn back time. maybe this would've worked out in another life.

it's been a month now and i just wanna talk to him. he never responds to me. i sit in my room crying about him. i think why... this is so belittling i just wanna be happy with him. or to just be happy... maybe.. i could be happy another way..?

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I walk to where my dad hides the razor blades then i quickly go to the bathroom. i sit on the cold tiled floor and roll up my shorts. i think: if i cut my thighs it will be less visible and i won't have to worry. i quickly start slowly to make sure something actually happens, and at first i flinch at the pain.., but then i can't think of anything ; it's like my mind went quiet. i then stoped after a while and realized that there is so much blood on the floor. is that normal? i question. i quickly wipe up the blood and clean the razor. i made sure my thighs had stopped bleeding before i rolled my shorts back down. i walked back through the kitchen, put the razor back and went to my room.

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once i got back in my room i laid down on my bed and thought about calling him. i picked up my phone and opens snapchat. i looked for his name and called him. the phone rang twice then i heard someone pick up. it was his best friend, i'm actually really close with his friends cuz we have the same friend group. me and his best friend keep talking until i hear his voice start to yell at him for being on call with me. am i really that bad..? i think. Then i hear him yell and then the call ends. Well so much for talking to him.

I go to bed. it super late. i ended up crying myself to sleep while listening to: Slow Dancing in a Burning Room by John Mayer .

during my sleep i think of him and what we could be. when i wake up all i wanna do is go back to that dream. i couldn't get up so i just laid in my bed.

i start crying again.

i don't just like you , i love you.

but maybe we weren't meant to be in this life, but maybe in another; and with that i went to sleep, and never woke up.

the doctors say it was suicide...

But i say it was a broken heart.