Me

So....some news

So, shall we recap my life in the past two and a half months?  Well firstly, if you haven't Seen my page, I broke up with the trans guy I was dating.  This is a bit of an explanation as to why.

Reason numero uno:  he turned into an....you guessed it....ASSHOLE.  Okay let me water that down a bit because what I meant is that he was overkill. And by over kill, I meant adding over 200 songs that were mostly sexual to a playlist we co wrote and co listened to (hint I only added 76).  Even after we broke up he listens to this playlist called "Songs Me and Nick will Play at Our Wedding" He was too clingy.  And in reference to the last update, he guilt tripped me into kissing him even after I said I was uncomfortable.  Red flags anyone?

Reason numero dos: he just generally had no time or mental health preparing him for a fully functional relationship.  like he generally had so many issues that he couldn't invest himself into being with me,however much he says otherwise.  When we broke up I didn't necessarily say that, but I did tell him it was because I had lost feelings and saw him more as friend, which was honestly partially because of this reason.  Like this guy Genuinely thought that I was just happy in a relationship where I just sat still and soothed him when he cried.  He made me share my very little mental stability with him and just kind of sucked me dry.  Even when I wanted to curl up in a fetal position and cry I had to shove it all down because everyday he had other issue with his life that I had to solve for him.  It was tiring, you know?

Reason numero tres: he became toxic.  And by toxic I mean he would curse me out in the middle of class then expect a kiss on the head and I love yous in return.  INE of the biggest warning signs he gave was when he yell ed at me and our autistic friend for affectionately tapping his head and almost made her too into tears.  She had to go to the counselors office after that.  She's also one of the most understanding people In the whole world.  he said, and I quote, "Evelyn, if you do that one more time I'm going to slap you across the face so fucking hard that you beg me for mercy while holding your face." Toxic much?  And just so you know, it was the first time she had done it that month.  Part of her autism is not being able to pick up on those cues that he didn't like it and I could see why because every time she did it before that moment he would run away giggling.  In fact, ten seconds before that he WAS giggling.  And lets not forget what he accused me of: CAUSING HIM TO RELAPSE.   Yes folks, you heard me right.  Me, the only person he dated who gave two shits about his mental state, caused him to relapse.  Anyone want to guess?  Anyone?

BECAUSE I GAVE HIM FUCKING MIXED SIGNALS.

And of course, in his dumbass perspective, mixed signals were me, introducing him to people who knew who he was as...drum roll please......my ex boyfriend when talking to my other exes.  It was a running joke in my friend group that I would had end up dating every one of them eventually because, lets face it, I have trouble choosing the right people to date no matter how many background checks I tan with their friends or however long I've been friends with that person. Therefore, most of my friends have dated me at least once in our run of being friends.  When I introduce people as "my ex boyfriend/girlfriend" my friends know that they have another person to relate with in the friend group or that its someone they have a chance at dating (cause a lot of my exes end up liking each other for some unknown reason).  And for a whil, he actually ended referring to me to his friends as "my ex partner" which I had no problem with, because it was all in the name of jokes.

Apparently one of my mixed signals were nick naming people (we call them Nick Nicknames bc why not?) because I just happen to be one of those Southern Americans (in the US not in south america) who refer to people as "hun", " sweetie", "baby" etc. as a red term of endearment.  When he told me to stop calling him "baby boy" since we broke up I did stop, but that didn't stop the habitual honey from coming out when naming someone.  For example "Honey!  What's wrong????" Or "*sigh* I'm so sorry, boo.". I feel like my intentions were pretty clear with that.  

Now the whole thing that makes this situation worse is that even his best friend and closest sister agree with me on the matter.  His best friend has been telling me that he doesn't even try getting over me, and his sister said that he only cries over me one night, the night we broke up.  A little more a information from my part: after our break up he had been Telling me everyday that he was crying over me every night and that he couldn't stand us breaking up and he still wanted to be friends and stuff.  And I fell for it, that is until his sister and his best friend started telling me what was actually happening.  So yeah.  Its been shit.